Donny, you're out of your element

Have you ever missed your connecting flight?

2008-05-09T11:00:00.002-04:00

It goes something like this...

You- a 737. Me- arriving from Chicago en route to Hartford. You waited patiently at the gate as I winged my way to Newark Airport. You know the one. We met eyes but you already pushed back. I watched you taxi to the run way and takeoff. I know this is a longshot, but I know we shared something. I will be back on Sunday...

You want more?

http://harrisburg.craigslist.org/mis/666575722.html

For the record I like girls.

Brewers, Breuers, and Bresephs

2008-05-07T00:16:00.002-04:00

I'm not normally a fan of Troegs beer (a Local Central PA Brew) but tonight I had their Pale Ale and it wasn't bad. It was smoother than most Pale Ales. Though it will never touch the greatness of Dogfish Head 90 Minutes I.P.A., it was good enough. Though I shall say that I was upset that Duke's did not have Riverside Wheat or Ithaca Apricot Wheat as draft options.

Admist all this beer controversy was the opportunity to see great friend and former bandmate, Brandon. He was passing through town on his way to Baltimore. Topics of conversation included movies, politics, The Simpsons, International Economics, and upper tanking, amongst many others. As the beers continued, it became increasingly tougher to stay on topic.

Anyway... tomorrow is an important day for Site Acq. Hopefully all will go well at my public hearing, which I assume it will. After all, I'll have the handsome devil on my side.

Til the next installment...

P.S. - I'm a little buzzed.

Wait, wait, wait

2008-05-05T23:42:00.002-04:00

Actually, 2 more random thoughts:

How sweet is that picture of me as a blonde? I miss those days.

If I can keep this thing up with some regularity, does that make me part of the "blogosphere"? Because Cowherd may end up hating me, and we can't have that.

Topical Creme de la creme

2008-05-05T23:19:00.004-04:00

It's been a while. Over a year. It seems after a long layoff from spouting my rants, raves, and ridiculous opions via the web, my dedicated audience of one begged for more. I kid, my audience is easily close to three if you include my mom and Eric.

So, what to blog about today? We have so many topics to choose from: Election, Gas Prices, Global Warming, the Gum Disease Gigivitis. But I'm not much of an expert on any of these topics, nor do I have a viable solution. That being said, here are some quick hits:

Election: Though my guitar strap says "O'Bama", my heart says "Split decision".

Gas Prices: Anyone that thinks taxing the oil companies is going to lower prices must have failed 1st grade math. It's simple, you want lower gas prices, increase the supply. Economics... it's fannnnnnTASTIC!

Global Warming: Is this still an issue? A. I prefer warm weather, 2. It was balls cold this winter. I'm actually rooting for it and I find myself producing as much CO-deuce as possible to do my part. We're all in this together people. Leaves changing is overrated.

The Gum Disease Gigivitis: Listerine.

Sorry about the last one, I'm watching Family Guy and Peter said that for reason.

Some final thoughts for today:
I like all flavors.
You a 737, me running through Newark.
I'm gonna live forever.

You wanted it... YOU GOT IT!!!

2007-01-04T15:06:00.000-05:00

Back by popular demand, and by popular, I mean Eric's demand. (Oddly enough, my all time favorite blog post was my AP Story about him moving to PA, and oddly enough, he's moving to PA. Chili Dogs won't be the same.)

Enough rambling... Time for more.

So, Notre Dame lost and I'm disappointed in them losing, but next year will be huge. Mark my words.

The OC is getting cancelled, which sucks.

And I have something for you (the reader): Darling. Go ahead, put that in your mouth, chew it, it's delicious.

Basically... I can't stop myself.

2006-06-12T21:25:00.000-04:00

This is probably a mistake. But I have to do it.

"You cut me down a tree and brought it back to me
And that’s what made me see where I was going wrong
You put me on a shelf and kept me for yourself
I can only blame myself, you can only blame me

And I could write a song a hundred miles long
Well, that’s where I belong and you belong with me
And I could write it down or spread it all around
Get lost and then get found
Or swallowed in the sea

You put me on a line and hung me out to dry
And darling, that’s when I decide to go to sea
You cut me down to size and opened up my eyes
Made me realize what I could not see

And I could write a book, the one they’ll say that shook
The world and then it took, it took it back from me
And I could write it down or spread it all around
Get lost and then get foundAnd you’ll come back to me
Not swallowed in the sea

And I could write a song a hundred miles long
Well, that’s where I belong and you belong with me
The streets you’re walking on a thousand houses long
Well, that’s where I belong and you belong with me

Ah, what good is it to live with nothing left to give
Forget but not forgiveNot loving all you see
Oh, the streets you’re walking on a thousand houses long
Well, that’s where I belong and you belong with me
Not swallowed in the sea
You belong with me, not swallowed in the sea
Yeah, you belong with me, not swallowed in the sea"

-"Swallowed in the Sea" by Coldplay

I just want it back.

Round 2 Quotes

2005-12-01T22:54:00.000-05:00

Hello Competitors-

Welcome to round 2. Same rules apply except for tie breaker. Getting last names of actors and characters will be considered first in a tiebreaker, fun information/quotes from the movie in question, and timing will also be considered. Ultimately, I will judge the tiebreaker process going forward. Trust the Senator's judgement on this one. I will be fair.

------------------------

Round 2

“Take that your freaky piece of shit, you don’t mow another guy’s lawn!”

“That is a Cosby sweater… a COSBY SWEATER!”

“Yeah, well, listen. You ought to ditch the two geeks you're in the car with now and get in with us. But that's alright, we'll worry about that later. I will see you there.”

“You want to know what it takes to sell real estate? It takes BRASS BALLS to sell real estate.”

“Paul Allen has mistaken me for this dickhead Marcus Halberstram. It seems logical because Marcus also works at P&P and in fact does the same exact thing I do and he also has a penchant for Valentino suits and Oliver Peoples glasses. Marcus and I even go to the same barber, although I have a slightly better haircut.”

“Well, things are getting pretty serious right now. I mean, we chat online for, like, two hours every day so I guess you could say things are gettin' pretty serious.”

“Oz… Friends don’t engage in sexual congress with each other’s wives.”

“YES. You ain't cool, unless you pee your pants.”

“Are you crazy? A man in a really nice camper wants to put our song on the radio! Gimme a pen, I'm signin'! You're signin'! We're all signin'!”

“I can't hear you, you're trailing off and did I catch a niner in there? Were you calling from a walkie-talkie?”

Round 1- National Movie Quote Contest

2005-12-01T22:17:00.000-05:00

The Results are in for round 1. Two perfect scores and 7 very strong scores. Via the tiebreaker rules, Kyle P. is our round 1 champ.

Standings Through Round 1
1. Kyle P., Griffith, Indiana- 40 points*
Monica F., Jim Thorpe, PA- 40 points
3. Jason C., Ponte Vedra Beach, FLA- 34 points
4. Danny R., Griffith, Indiana- 29 points
5. Steve L., Palatine, Illinois- 26 points
Daniel R., Warsaw, Indiana- 26 points
6. Joe K., Warsaw, Indiana- 26 points
Eric S., West Lafayette, Indiana- 26 points
Scott G., Savannah, Georgia- 26 points

Thanks for all who entered and keep it coming. The battle was won by Kyle, but who will win the war??? Round 2 will be posted shortly.

Success as a failure

2005-11-30T21:30:00.000-05:00

One of the first things my new boss taught me when I started with SCS is that its OK to fail as long as you CYA (cover your ass). If I have exausted every single option and nothing works and the best solution isn't possible, it's ok. It's happened to me on a few sites, but none more evident than today.

I made my way down to the Huntington market with 4 very specific goals. Now I gave myself 2 full days to achieve them, but I am already well on my way to failing at three of them. And they aren't even very challenging goals, but I am trying.

Lawrence County, Ohio
Goal: Find out property info on a parcel.
Normally in most counties in PA, this isn't hard. You look at a tax assessment map, find the parcel number, and look up the owner's name. For some reason, in Ohio, this is an extremely cumbersome and difficult process. They don't know which way north is. I walk into this place with a survey depicting 4 different parcels, with legal descriptions, and 3 different departments can't tell me who own the parcel next to it. Failure #1.

Prichard, WV- Tower Site
Goal: Obtain telephone circuit ID from telco box at tower site.
The first few times I went to this site, the gate at the access road was secure with what I could only describe as a twisty tie. This wasn't the case today. There were five (5) locks, 3 combo, 2 key, daisy chained together at the road gate. This poses a problem for young, Patrick. See I had the combo to the compound and tried it on all three combo locks. To my chagrin, not a one worked. So there I stand, I good 1/2 mile from the tower, with no way into the the access road. If the combos I got today don't work, I'm walking it.

Lawrence County (that's right, another one), Kentucky (that's right, the difinitive -tucky)
Goal: Obtain Tax Parcel ID and Deed Book reference for existing tower site
The sad reality is that the tower own could not provide this info for me after asking for it over a month ago. I went to the courthouse, looked up the maps, and the maps in this Lawrence County were actually good. But, the map numbers did not reference property owners or deed numbers. HOW DOES THIS COUNTY COLLECT PROPERTY TAXES?????? I went to the recorder's office, and they were less helpful than mapping.

So three goals today, 3 failures. Not one of them was within my control. It's very sobering.

Weekend Recap

2005-11-28T21:36:00.000-05:00

This is the speed version of the 4 day Thanksgiving Weekend, starting with the moment I was kicked out of the office by the Presidet and COO at 3:00 pm:

Kohl's for jeans and underpants, nap, Double K for Revolver, On Demand Movies, Phantom phone calls, movie quote contest, football, turkey, gravy, apple pie, rock Shakey's, watch PTM at Shakey's, inappropriate humor, Jeep Ride with Sheetz lunch, Red Robin, cancelled show, More On Demand Movies, real phone call (waking me up), college football, rocked Pepper's, straightened up the A-P-T, talked to mom, watched the bears dominate, had an awkward moment, reconciled, outback steakhouse, Just Friends, finshed the night strong.

Then I got to work today and forgot how to do anything. 4 day weekends are rough.

The Return of the Movie Quote Contest

2005-11-24T13:16:00.000-05:00

Back in college, I administered a National Movie Quote Contest with friends from IU, Purdue, Florida and other colleges. Chili Cheese Salz was champion and J. Conwell was runner up. This go ‘round, I’m changing the rules.

-All answers must be submitted to me via email (patrick.riordan@gmail.com) or MySpace message (http://www.myspace.com/patrickriordan).
-Scoring: 1 point for movie, 1 point for character name, 1 point for actor, 1 bonus point for all three correct
-Honor system: there isn’t one. I can’t police this.
-In case of a tie, whoever submitted their answers first will be deemed champion of the game.
-All answers must be submitted with in one week (7 days) of the posting date on Blogger.
-------------------------------------

Round 1: 40 Possible Points

“You’re a lousy fucking softball player, Jack!”

“I hope you were the groom.”

“They've done studies, you know. Sixty percent of the time it works every time.”

“This weekend is not about me. It is about you. I'm gonna show you a good time. We're gonna drink a lot of good wine. We're gonna play some golf. We're gonna eat some great food and enjoy the scenery and we are going to send you off in style, mon frere.”

“Tattoo on the lower back? Might as well be a bullseye.”

“Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't get in a car, I don't ride in a car, I don't pick up the phone, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit don't fucking roll! Shomer shabbos!”

“True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend”

“This is the kid, calls me 59 days in a row, wants to be a player. There ought to be a picture of you in the dictionary under persistence kid.”

“You Want details? Fine. I drive a Ferrari, 355 Cabriolet, What's up? I have a ridiculous house in the South Fork. I have every toy you could possibly imagine. And best of all kids, I am liquid.”

“Hey, try not to suck any dick on the way through the parking lot!”

Here's the fake news

2005-11-20T16:16:00.000-05:00

As some of my readers know, I was once a journalist. Back in high school I wrote for the Panther Press, but never had aspirations of becoming a professional. From time to time, I like to let those old demons out and write as if I were still a reporter or columnist.

So here is a news story I concoted out of a conversation I had with Eric today while we were talking about the best drunk food by region. And yes, I have a slight chili dog obsession right now. And yes, it's someone else's fault that introduced me to the greatness of them in PA.

---------------------------------------------

Sudden name change sparks riots in Hbg

By Patrick Riordan
AP Contributor

HARRISBURG - Upon moving to Central Pennsylvania, young Eric Salczynski officially changes the Rico with Cheese from a barbecue bacon cheese burger to a chili cheese dog. This caused quite a ruckus downtown when millions of adoring fans received hot dogs instead of hamburgers when they ordered the Rico. Riots ensued, Salczynski is presumed stolen and smothered in chili and cheese somewhere in Perry County.

About three years ago, D. Scott Riordan, a high school friend of Salczynski, had deemed the barbecue bacon cheeseburger the “Rico with Cheese” after seeing a Burger King commercial.

“Rico deserved to have a sandwich named after him,” Riordan said. “He’s a credit to the cheese world and the public needs to realize this. The Burger King commercial was just a fluke. I would have named any sandwich ‘Rico with Cheese’ as long as it had copious amounts of cheese on it.”

Riordan heard the news last night that his suggestion had been changed to the Chili Cheese Dog.

“I’m not happy about this,” Riordan replied. “I wasn’t consulted on changing the sandwich. I was working on a national campaign for the Rico with Cheese. This doesn’t sit well with me.”

Salczynski, who was on tour with the Indiana Based quartet Darling, recently legally changed his middle name to “Chili Cheese” to signal the triumphant change of the Rico to the chili cheese dog, popular here in PA.

“It was time for a change,” Chili Cheese Salczynski said. “I had been living as Eric Edward for so long and it’s a good name and it works, but I need something with a little pizzazz. Chili Cheese does it for me. And it’s so delicious on a hot dog.”

Rioters outside The Spot in downtown Harrisburg were subdued with Chili Cheese Dogs. As it turned out, they just wanted to satisfy a late-night, alcohol induced Rico craving. Keith Hoppes, chili cheese dog connoisseur and gay pirate hooker, was among the drunk and hungry.

“I don’t care what it’s called, just make sure I get one when I want one,” Hoppes quipped. “The Spot dogs aren’t even good, but when I’m drunk, it’s like hitting on an ugly girl. Beer goggles, know what I mean? Same concept with Spot dogs.”

Salczynski’s whereabouts are uncertain at this point. Before the riots were subdued, he was carried out in the ruckus. Authorities have some leads in Perry County, but nothing has turned up yet. Salczynski’s family is holding out hope.

“All he wanted to do was bring the world was a great name for a delicious treat,” said Kristen, the eldest of Eric’s 3 younger sisters. “A great hot dog deserves a great name.”

For information regarding Salczynski’s whereabouts or donations for his Rico with Cheese fund, visit http://www.chilicheesesalz.com/ or 1-888-4-CC-SALZ.

Supermarket reading

2005-11-20T14:34:00.000-05:00

Headlines from various magazines I saw while I was in line at the Giant today:

People Magazine: Matthew McConaughey - Sexiest Man Alive 2005
Comment: I never figured Wooderson would get this title, but I guess starring in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days sealed the deal for him. Oddly enough, this doesn't really piss me off. Matthew is kind of sexiest man alive that I can support. If for no other reason he was arrested for playing bongos naked is his own house. And I loved EdTV.

In Touch: Bonus, 2 astounding headlines
BRAD AND JEN REUNION!
I think I'm the only male in his mid 20s in this country that actually prefers Aniston to Jolie. Scotty G and I used to get ridiculed for watching Friends in college, but we were Rachel fans. Now I don't really care who Bradley ends up with, but it's hilarious to me that after all of this Brangelina hoopla, that Angelina may actually drive Brad back to Jen... allegedly.

New Touble for Britney and Kevin!
Let me get this straight... unknown trashy dude meets Spears, convinces her to marry him, plants his seed in her womb, uses her fame to record an AWFUL rap cd, and now he's a little peeved that he's Mr. Britney Spears? Someone forgot who bought engagement ring... and gives him the weekly allowance. Sounds like a solid deal to me. Why would he actively try to screw this up? Is his self esteem really that low that he can't handle his wife's worldwide fame and that he's leeching onto it??

Teen People: Jessica and Ashlee: Together
Comment: I never realized how not related they look. Are they really sisters? Or is Ashlee the milkman's kid? And speaking of 7th Heaven alums, when is it ok for me to freely admit that Ruthie (Mackenzie Rossman, and yes, it is sad that I didn't have to look that up) is hot? Is it an Olsen twins kind of deal, or can I just publicly say she's a knockout without consequence? Someone needs to work on this...

I really need to stop shopping on Sunday mornings. I might end up going insane.

Shakey's and Rivalries

2005-11-19T11:05:00.000-05:00

Big show last night. And in the opinion of the band, we didn't live up to the hype. But no worries. We're still tightening up, working through songs, but we will be on point very soon. If nothing else, we have a lot of fun and it seems like the fans have a great time.

It was great to see my aunt, cousin and some of my co-workers come out for the show. Missy jumped up on stage and kissed me! Why does this keep happening? I think this is my second show where a good looking girl comes up and kisses the humble bass player. Wow.

The After Party...
If by after party, I mean eating crap food at the Eat n' Park. It was the kind of place where:

I was so hungry I didn't know what to get.
The waitress took 10 minuntes to get our drinks
The waitress took 15 minutes to take my order because of item number 1.

So the food sucked. Evidently at one point, Darrell had such a good insult for me that he was laughing so hard that he couldn't say it. Now that is what I call a burn...

But of course, that wasn't the high point. The highlight of the After Party was some unintelligible dude coming up to Keith... Here's how it transpired:

Dude: (uninteligible) duck hunting??

Keith: No. I don't fish and hunt. I catch and kill. And not ducks.

Dude: (unitelligibe).... New York.... (unintelligible)... duck hunting... man?

Keith: I don't hunt in New York, you can't use rifles.

Dude: Let me get your number, I want to give it to my friend.

Keith: No, I'm not giving you my number.

Then there was a little more banter. Luke told me to give him Jenny's phone number (867-5309). I didn't want to take any risks. I guess this is what happens at the EnP at 3:30 am.

College Football Saturday:IU plays Purdue for the Old Oaken Bucket in my old college town of Bloomington, Indiana. My Prediction: IU 31 Purdue 24. OH! Yeah

Other prediction: Notre Dame 35 Syracuse 17. Poor Orangemen, but ND is going BCS this year.

Downtown Hbg

2005-11-13T10:38:00.000-05:00

Went downtown to Harrisburg last night after a long day of band practice. The night started innocently enough as Brian and I practiced our acoustic set. We're going to throw out a few surprise songs, so it should be fun.

After that, Brian, Michelle, and I headed downtown after I received a text message to meet a friend I hadn't seen in over a month. And to my surprise, there were two friends! So it was a good time downtown. And since it is like me to catalog my drinks for the night, it went something like this:

Jagerbomb
Guinness
Miller Lite
Miller Lite
Miller Lite.

Not bad for about 2 hours. But the night was far from finished. Post Molly Brannigans, we headed to the Spot against our better judgment for some chili cheese dogs. Now, the Spot doesn't have the best chili cheese dogs in the world, but at 2 am and when your blood is a little thinner from the alcohol... it hits the spot (pun totally intended). I equate it to this: Normally the ugly girl the bar that keeps trying to talk to you but you don't think she's good looking til about the 5 shot of SoCo, then all the sudden she's a hottie. When you're that drunk, The Spot, White Castle, and La Bamba are actually that good. Not recommended without and heavy alcoholic appetizer.

Everybody's workin for the weekend...

2005-11-11T14:02:00.000-05:00

Oh I had to quote Loverboy. That's good stuff.

Happy Friday everyone. And Happy Birthday to my Nana.

I am suggesting some light reading this weeked. This is the latest from Joe K's blog. It's for those that love off the wall quotes, especially in a newspaper room before noon.

Best quote from the blog: "Not that you need to worry, but he thought you were a good looking man. When I die, I'm going to have my tombstone say that I was the only woman in Kosciusko County not to sleep with him." Koz-ee-os-ko. It's a county in Indiana. Much like Northumberland (PA) or St. Johns (FLA).

Notre Dame vs. Navy prediction: ND 42 Navy 14. Sorry boys, Weis/Quinn is just too tough.
Chicago (-13) vs. San Francisco prediction: CHI 24 SF 10. Give the points. "Is Ditka driving the bus??"

Movie recommenation: Jarhead. And please tell me if it's good.
Music reco: Anything by Neil Diamond. I suggest "Cherry Cherry." You might as well download the Loverboy song not that I have you thinking about it.

Something funnier coming in the near future.

Let's try this ONE more time

2005-11-10T22:05:00.000-05:00

Ok. I'll probably give up on this blog and try to resurrect it again in the future, but let's pretend that I won't this time.

Welcome back to "Donny, you're out of your element." A blog dedicated to the ridiculous thoughts in my head. I've been cheating on my blogspot blog with the myspace blog, but that's about to get more interesting since I fully plan on using both, depending on my mood.

Topic 1: Trivial Pursuit cards at bars
Absolutely, without a doubt, a great idea. This needs to be instituted everywhere. Never has insignificant background chatter has caused more butting in by rednecks and lesbians into keith and my conversations than these cards. It's phenomenal. Plus I kick his ass everytime. And if the answers weren't printed on the back, I'm sure bar fights would break out over questions like "Who's mug is on the Nepalese quarter?"

Topic 2: Slogans
"Biting the Hand Back that Feeds Patrick." I don't get it either.

Topic 3: Accents
I had a discussion tonight about regional American accents. It came down to Minnesota versus Southeastern U.S. I think the southern accent is the most incoherent thing ever when done properly. Like this one dude in Kentucky telling some crazy story about his dog Patches... Or Patrick... Or Matthew... You see my point. I've also met some people in West Virginia that I couldn't understand to save my life. But I've always understood those in Minnesota. I'm not saying our friends in the Land of 10,000 lakes sound smart. Not in the least. But I can understand what they are saying. That's all I'm saying.

It's good to be back.

Case of the Mondays

2005-09-19T10:58:00.000-04:00

White Sox Magic Number: 12, which is ridiculous. They should have clinched already.

As I sit here in my office, I know have loads of work, but for some reason, I don't know what to do next. So I decided to do a quick post. Only my mind is so blocked that I don't even know what to post about. I've been yawning a lot today, which might be my first indication of my lack of mental abilities. At least I already have lunch planned out.

This is insane. Here I am writing some gibberish and I expect people will read it. What an ego I have.

Updates: I'm in the band. We're called Asking Andy. We'll be playing in Hershey next week. Rico Salz has agreed to do our webdesign, so expect it to change.

Joe C., Joe K., and our favourite thug, Brian Cole will be in the Bal-siest city in America this weekend for a nonstop 48 hour party, culminating in the Red Sox/O's game at Camden Yards. There's only one thing I could think of to make this coming weekend better.

Coming soon: Review of The OC: The Complete Second Season DVD.

Thundering Heard What?

2005-08-24T15:44:00.000-04:00

Live from Huntington, WV. Been a while since my last post. Things are going well. The wireless world is hustling and bustling.

News: I'm joining a band (hopefully). I had an audition last night and it went well. I was invited back for another practice. If I do well again, I'm in the band.

More tonight...

On the verge of life

2005-05-04T19:39:00.000-04:00

So, it's been since forever. I got a new job. I said goodbye to some old friends. I welcomed home a great human being. It's been a whirlwind of a month.

So I'm in Scranton, PA, for the night. Cause when I think a fun night out of town... I think Scranton. And I can't seem to find the water tank I need to find in the neighboring town. It sucks.

More to come.

Full Khaki Jacket

2005-03-07T15:08:00.000-05:00

Has a compliment ever warranted an acidic repsonse? In my experience, that would be a no. But apparently, I was the target of reversed social norms on Saturday night.

While out celebrating my friend Elizabeth's birthday, we were leaving a bar near the old apartment. After a few hours of Uncle Jaeger and Cousin Red Bull with some Bud Lights, we headed towards the exit. At the door was a tall, lanky fellow with a jacket on that had a funny patch sewn into it. The patch read "gynocogist," which I thought was rather amusing. So I pointed to it and said "I like your patch, it's funny." To which he replied:

A.) Thanks! Not bad, eh?
B.) Yeah, I picked it up at hot topic because I'm a poseur! The really funny thing is I've never even kissed a girl!
C.) Shut up. You're a dweeb and I hate you.
D.) The sun never sets on the British Empire.

If you guessed C, you're right. Evidently I rubbed this guy the wrong way. It seems as though there was something about me he didn't like. I immediately felt that he didn't care for my outward appearance. I was donning a blue plaid spread collar shirt with jeans and my new khaki jacket. It was a preppy ensemble, but people dress nice when they go out. Elizabeth was wearing a dress for cryin out loud (which is a major plot point at the next bar).

Needless to say I was taken aback by someone hating me so soon. It usually takes a little while before people develop a genuine disgust for my presence. But this wasn't the only time my jacket spawned a comment from a stranger that night.

At our next watering hole, Elizabeth and I were standing in line getting our IDs checked. A lone, crusty man, sitting at the bar said "Hey, nice jacket! AHHHAHAHAHAHAHA!" All could think to say was "Thanks."

Why does this matter? It doesn't. I just like my friend Mike to know what's going on, so I keep writing.

And yes, a friend lifted Elizabeth's dress about 6 times at Pete's Bar, revealing 98% of her deriere to the bar. Happy Birthday Elizabeth!

When I have nothing else to talk about...

2005-03-04T15:48:00.000-05:00

I have been racking my brain on what to write the last two days. Haven't been able to find a good article to talk about, nor do I believe my daily life is interesting enough to rant with, so I've decided to comment on a fabulous scene involving Jon Favreau, his cordless phone, and someone else's answering machine.

"Hi! This is Nikki, leave a message!"

Those words make me cringe. I was watching Swingers again the other night. I think many would agree that this particular scene is one of the most painful to watch in cinematic history.

"Hi! This is Nikki, leave a message!"

Good lord... I've seen the movie a good 165 times, and every time Mikey sits on the futon and pulls out Nikki's (played by the lovely Brooke Langton) phone number, I think to myself "Maybe he won't do it this time...." And I'm being serious. I honestly hope every time I watch this that he won't pick up the phone. And at times, I've changed the channel so I didn't have to watch. It's a lot like a scary movie, and all you want to do is pull the covers over your head. It Hurts SO MUCH TO WATCH.

"Hi! This is Nikki, leave a message!"

Maybe I hope he won't do it because even I haven't gone to the lengths Mikey went to in this dialog with a mini tape. He's absolutely pathetic, and I think it scares me. Really and truly... not that I've gone to those lengths, but maybe I've been to a fraction of them. I'm not sure.

"Hi! This is Nikki, leave a message!"

And just as he breaks up with the girl he never went out with...

"Mike... Don't ever call me again."

Ouch.

News from the internet

2005-03-01T10:36:00.000-05:00

Some or all of this may not be real.

Graphic courtesy of The Onion

The Bobby Knight Era may not be over in Indiana. And why? Because Kelleys are doers!!!!

This is becoming an outrage. How does a hot Australian girl lose to a "kind of good-looking in the right light" swimmer? It's beyond me.

Film School and Joe Collins

2005-02-28T11:04:00.000-05:00

Good weekend. Goling at the Inn & Club was just one portion of a fantastic few days off.

Probably the highlight was seeing Sideways with Kirk, starring Paul Giamatti and Thomas Haden Church. I highly recommend this film. Not only is it witty, smart, and have a fantastic story to it, the Reemergence of "Lowell" from Wings is enough to get anyone out of the house. Since Ned and Stacey never happened, I could only see Thomas on one of the Women Only cable channels of chick flicks, man hating melodramas, a douche commercials. So it was good to see him break out. And I've been a fan of Paul Giamatti, since he was "Pig Vomit" in Private Parts. Did you know he is son of former Baseball Comissioner and nemesis of Pete Rose, the late Dr. Bart Giamatti? Why didn't I put two and two together? It seems like Giamatti is as common a name as Riordan. Those kind of alarms should go off...

I also stumbled upon Joe Collins's blog site. The kid was holding out on me, and not telling me he had a blog. Well guess what... investigative journalism can get things done.

No it can't. He left a comment and I clicked the link.

Other things warranting a mention:

I decided Wes Anderson is one of my top 3 favourite directors, and I need to see The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou.
I was reminded that the phrase "Count it" when used after an insult was from the Family Guy episode where Brian goes to rehab.
Hoosier basketball will kick serious ass in 05-06.
Sweet Magnolia Brown Ale is fantastic.

We don't accept cash, checks, or credit cards

2005-02-26T21:25:00.000-05:00

Played a little golf with Kirk and family out at Ponte Vedra Inn & Club. I used to think golf was one of the few things I did well, but it's making its way back to the suck list. Which is sad. And pathetic. Because for cryin out loud, the ball just sits there! It's as easy at tee-ball! But anyway. Kirk's mom decided not to play the inward 9 with us, so she hung out in the clubhouse bar. She ordered a drink (club soda, I believe) and they wouldn't accept cash or credit as payment. "You can only charge it to your room or member account, sir." Funny how the words " This note is Legal Tender of all debts, public and private" hardly rings to some people.

The Infamous Mike Mastando decided to infiltrate my email last week with one of those fantastic surveys, made popular by kids in middle school. Here are Mike's answers:

1. What time is it? 8:15pm
2. Name as it appears on birth certificate? Michael Crazy Legs Mastando
(mysterious missed number)
4. Number of Piercings: For jewelry, zero. For screams, I lost count.
5. Most recent movie you saw in the theater: Meet The Fockers. Funny s.
6. Eye color: Brown
7. Where born: Plantation, FL
8. Favorite foods: Pizza, Juicy filet or NY Strip, Burgers on the grill, lamb, chargrilled fish, lobster, KFC Honey BBQ wings, fajitas, french fries with BBQ sauce, 7-11 turkey with southwestern mayo, Baked Cool Ranch Doritos, sushi, tabule, mom's chicken in tomota paste, mom's scungilli, mom's meatballs, Chili's chips & salsa, Don Pablo's, anything that Mama Mastando makes... and Meximelts at Taco Bell when drinking. For sweets: warm Cinnabons at the mall, warm chocolate chip cookies with Lactaid (you don't to be within 500' of me drinking milk!!!), or the chocolate lava cake at Chart House, the Cap'n Jacks Buried Treasure at Ale House, or the Banana's Foster at Milwaukee Chophouse. Oh, and never trust me around a box of Little Debbie's... any variety, especially Nutty Bars.
9. Ever been to Africa: Not yet
10. Ever been toilet papering: Yes... lots of fun; I highly recommend! (not at my house, though.)
11. Love someone so much it made you cry? Yes... you want to make something of it!?!? 12. Been in a car accident? One time, a tree ran out in front of my car....
13. Croutons or bacon bits? Bacon bits, cheese, rice noodles, tomatos, cucumbers, and red onions. Oooh, Olive Garden has good salad. MMMMmmmm... Olive Garden (drooling).
14. Favorite day of the week? Saturday & pay day
15. Favorite restaurants: See above for food diatribe. Also love me some Stonewoods, Song Mongolian Grille, Macaroni Grill, Buca di Beppo, Bonefish (Orlando), Fishbones (Orlando), Milwaukee Chophouse (Wi), Brissago (Wi), Newport Grille (Wi), Big Bear Brewing Company (Ft. Laud), Marino's (NY), Morton's (Orlando).
16. Favorite flower: Orchids are the "shizzle"
17. Favorite sport to watch: Football. GATOR Football.
18. Favorite drink: Jagerbomb with a Miller Lite chaser.
19. Favorite ice cream: Can I have seconds on the main course? If not, then I'll have Reece's peanut butter ice cream.
20. Disney or Warner? WB
21. Favorite fast food restaurant: Love it all. Can't decide.
22. What color is your bedroom carpet? Beige.
23. How many times did you fail your drivers license? none
24. Before this one who did you get your last email from? Nikki Saffer
25. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card in: Best Buy!
26. What do you do most often when you are bored? surf the internet, watch TV, read a magazine, make to do lists, do something unmentionable in this particular venue.
27. Bedtime? I'm amazed if I get to bed before 3am.
28. Who will respond to this email quickest: Probably a girl. I'm the only dorky male that will do this, probably.
29. Who is least likely to respond: Mike Benedict. He's got more important things to do.
30. Who are you most curious about their responses to the questionnaire? everyone, that's why I sent it to them.
31. Favorite TV Shows: Gator football, NY Jets football, SNL, Letterman, Conan, Jimmy Kimmel, Leno, Blind Date, Cheaters, Elimidate, Surreal World, 24, King of Queens, Seinfeld, Dateline or shows where they have a hidden camera and bust wrong-doers,
32. Last Person you went to dinner with? Nikki, Pervy Smurf, Aaron, Erin.
(mysterious missing number)
34. What are you listening to right now? My reps trying to weasel out of the last five minutes of work.
35. What is your favorite color? Blue
36. Lake, ocean or river? ocean
37. How many tattoos do you have? None
38. Time you finished this email? 9:05pm (I had to get up and make sure my reps were working, so I could goof off and do this email thingy.)
39. Which came first - chicken or egg? Imaculate conception says the egg came first. I'll go with that.
40. How many people are you sending this email to? 20

I suppose I feel compelled to out Mike (to the 4 people that read this blog) because this was a ridiculous email. And yes, I participated... because I am an immature moron, too. Thus the circle of life.

Back on Stage...

2005-02-24T13:29:00.000-05:00

Wednesday night was my solo debut. I had't been given a slot of more than 5 songs since I was with Strange Reality, and now I had an hour. I decided to do only covers- since this was a "tryout" and I'm not that "good" by myself. But I figured I'd give it a go. Here's what I ended up playing, in order:

Where the Streets Have No Name
Hungry Like the Wolf
Change Your Mind
Wonderwall
Hide Your Love Away
Amserdam
Good
Hold My Hand
Mary Jane's Last Dance
All for You
Help!
Stacy's Mom
My Hero
Champagne Supernova
Naked Sorority Girls

My buddy Nathan told me that I started stronger than I ended. It was fun, but I don't think I played particularly well. All my friends/family that came out were supportive, which was great. However I got an interesting vibe from the bar manager that booked me, he kind of talked to me as if I was a chick he didn't want to date anymore but didn't know how to put it, even though when I thanked him he said "Anytime man!" Ah well. I got my chance and I made the best of it. If nothing else, Mellow Mushroom has good pizza, and I didn't only play songs from the 90s. Now... where to find another open mic night...

Homecoming King and other unrelated topics

2005-02-16T10:17:00.000-05:00

Danny is coming home! That's right, readers. My little bro will be coming home from Iraq soon, sooner than I had originally thought too. For those that know him and want to be there for the mega huge box social, keep in touch with me.

I checked out the AHL All-Star Game the other night. That was a blast. The shining star during the february lull in sports was being able to turn on ESPN and watch a hockey game between commercials of Friends reruns. Even up in Chicago I would hit up one or two games a year. But this my friends is ridiculous. I hate to envoke the can't we all just get along speech. But seriously. I can understand players wanting more money and not refusing when owners offer to pay it. And yes, the owners made some mistakes with over expansion the first time, when the original six grew. But as a former b-school student, numbers always win out. I'm sure it's not all on the owners' shoulders either. How long did Sergei Federov sit out one year before getting the contract he wanted? The bottom line is this: right now, every member of the NHLPA is unemployed. Not to mention the pickup line "I play in the NHL" has lost all of it's luster. If the players really love to play hockey for a living, they might want to agree to this. If you think about it, $42.5 million is better than a sharp stick in the eye.

Until then, go Barracudas!

To the Ordinary World

2005-02-14T14:34:00.000-05:00

Not a bad little weekend. Effectively, Saturday was my first day off in a while (not that working the Super Bowl was all that taxing on me), and I pulled a Peter Gibbons in Office Space. I did nothing, and it was everything I hoped it could be. The only person who could have possibly done less that me was the Schwag, who slept from Noon til the next day. Let's say he had a fun Friday.

But on to Sunday. After Phil won his second consecutive tournament, Joseph and I made our way downtown to see Duran Duran in concert. They were playing at the Arena, and only managed to bring in about 8,000. I don't know if it's Duran Duran or Jacksonville, but either way, it was hardly packed. Joe and I had no one around us. But all in all, good times. And London Bridge Pub was the site of yet another scene by yours truly of having too much frosty adult beverage, and making a frost adult fool of myself.

Til the next time, stay hungry like the wolf across the Rio Grande when you come undone.

Host City shenanigans- the SB XXXIX Blog

2005-02-08T16:45:00.000-05:00

I have chronicled (in true SG fashion) the extravaganza that is Super Bowl week in in Jacksonville, FLA. Let me prepare you, little to nothing in this entry will have to do with the actual physical act of the Super Bowl.

Wednesday, 2 February 2005
Today started innocently enough. I came to work at 9 am, dressed to kill, I might add, and Joseph called me with a request to go to the Home Depot and buy wood, tools, and other supplies to get our $how me the money machine operable. I wanted to hit Bed, Bath, and Beyond, but I didn't have the time.

I made my way downtown to meet with Joseph and Shannon and help set up the money machine. The weather was wretched, and I wasn't dressed for it. After we got the equipment, Joe and I were going to meet Sun Cruise Kat for lunch and discuss some joint marketing ventures. The meeting took place at the Alehouse, the standby restaurant on the southside. After that, Joe and I went to a music store to buy a PA system, but the power was out, so we went across the street to the diner where we ate and I dropped the deuce.

The highlight of the evening was Sister Hazel, live from the Freebird in Jax Beach. I was able to make my way one person from the stage. The Schwag & Co. were up in the balcony. The openers were Drew Copeland and The Graham Colton Band (whom I've seen in college). The best part of the opener was when GCB played an abbreviated cover of "Champagne Supernova." First set of chills of the night.

Hazel took the stage shortly after. They opened with "Come Around" and some technical problems. I don't remember hearing Ken's guitar. Drew kept looking in my direction and laughing, so I looked behind me and much to my chagrin was none other than Stuart Scott of ESPN. I shook his and and apologized for outing him. Stu bumped into my back a good few times after that. That's what happens in crowds. When they set up the piano for "World Inside My Head," I screamed "Eagles" at Drew so he would play the Eagles song (the name escapes me) that he does solo... which was an ongoing joke at their New Years Day show. They closed the show by having Stu sing backup on "Champagne High." What a way to start Super Bowl Weekend.

Thurs, Feb 5, 2005
Got to work at 1:00 only to find out Joe needs a DJ at our booth at SuperFest (brought to you by the Florida Times Union). I offered my services as a former band member with stage experience. At 5:00, I make my way downtown with Joe to start some major lead generation. Our location on Bay Street isn't ideal, we're tucked in a fenced parking lot, but we make do, piggybacking the popularity of the FLA Lotto. The only other person working until Elizabeth's arrival was Preston, an annoying Off Premises Contact, with a knack for saying the wrong things.

They closed the Bridges of Duval County at 9:00, so Elizabeth closed the call center early and made her way to SuperFest. One of our money machine winners racked up $492 because she didn't follow the rules. Once we were done working, it was time for some boozin.. may the Super Bowl Weekend begin!!

We hit the Landing and it was hoppin (this was the least busy I would see it until Monday). People pouring in and out, a solid cover band playin on the Best Damn Super Bowl Road Show Period stage. We started hitting some beer, and even did a JagerBomb (the trendiest shot ever!). Joe led us into the Italian Restaurant there, where he introduced himself to some girls.

J-McC (to girls): Hi, I'm Joe. Do you know Mike Mastando? He clogs the toilets at work. He walks into work with a briefcase in one hand and a plunger in the other...
Patrick (shaking his head to bartender): Can I get 2 Coronas with limes and a a Bud Light Draft. (To girls)... I'm sorry, I don't know this guy

You can see where it went from there. Eventually Elizabeth grabbed Joe and dragged him outside for a smoke. Which left me with Amy, the attorney from Michigan now living in Jax, and Amanda, the paralegal and former Hooters girl. Of course I tripped over my own words once or twice. But I didn't talk about my friend's or coworkers poop habits. Preston did his best to creep out the girls, even provoking them to leave while I was in the bathroom. But we saved the day. I gave Amy my number... I will never hear from her again.

On our way back to the car, Preston tried to grab Elizabeth's beer out of my hand, and told me to "fuck off" when I asked him not to. Nice kid. He told me to "fuck off" again, and I was kind of hoping he'd punch me so I could call the cops, but he didn't. I drove Elizabeth's car back to Joe's where I picked up my car, but not before stopping at Whataburger and getting some grub. Joe was stuck taking Preston ALL the way back to SR 207, which is south of St. Augustine. I ended up sleeping on Joe's floor that night, against my will. I woke up with neck pains.

Friday 2/4/05
Woke up at Joe's and need to open the call center. I had 4 hours of sleep, none of it solid (this will not really come into play either). I looked like complete crap. I needed a shower and a face scrub and I had to run about a million errands, so I left the call center in our senior reps hands until Elizabeth arrived.

Part of running my errands was the BEST HAIRCUT EXPERIENCE EVER. Haircut, straight razor neck shave, and a warm towel neck massage for $12 at Barber Studio... unbelievable stuff. I highly recommend. I also had Angie's Subs finally; they're good, but they don't put enough meat on it. Rumour has it, their sweet tea is unbelievable.

Elizabeth and I roll up to downtown around 6:00. The new OPC, Jessica, introduces herself, and she is cute (later I learn she has a boyfriend). Throughout the night she is flirting, tries to book my parents on a tour, then offers to clean my teeth AND give me $50. Now as Joe would say, "That's a Patrick Riordan girl."

As I mentioned, the 'rents did make it up with Bart & Ann from PA (my dad's best friend from HS), The Schwag, Aunt Patti, Phillip (Peyton Manning Look-alike) & Candice. It was good to see everyone having a blast downtown here in the host city.

Elizabeth leaves to pick up Mike and her friend Laural, and triumphantly retuns with them. After we close out the night with Mike and I rocking the mic, the boozin commences. I didn't drink very much since I was driving. We end up with Joe, Skelly, and some other City of Jax guys at the bar called something "Burrito." The name escapes me, but Laural and Elizabeth were wanting to go see some boobies at a strip club, and I can't say Mike, Joe, or I were opposed. Unfortunately (like a moustache), the COJ guys wanted to sit around and her about The Infamous Mike Mastando's poop-capades and the wonderful world that is timeshare sales and marketing.

We leave to go to the Landing and check out the scene there. On the way, Elizabeth has to pee, and chooses an alley rather than a port-o-john to do the relieving (which brings the count to 2 Elizabeths I know, that have peed in alleys/parking lots while I'm nearby). We make it to the Landing, and for some reason, Elizabeth unleashes the FURY on Mike. It's not pretty. "I hate you, you're such a jerk today..." and so on. They're not dating, they work together. Warrants mentioning. Elizabeth wants to take a cab home now, but somehow we convince her to stay with us.

We start our trip back to the car and Elizabeth hands me her light up cup she bought on Thursday before we met the cute lawyer chick. Mistake one: handing me a cup that won't fit in my bag. On the walk, a little rough housing happened between Mike and I, and you guessed it, the cup fell out of my bag and it cracked upon hitting the asphalt. Needless to say, a lot of anger was directed at me. So I screamed "It's GATOR CITY TAXI" and walked to my car. That's right, she and Laural drove home with Joe. I think Mike and I were the last people she wanted to be around at that point, but amends were made with....

Whataburger. It's now a 3 am tradition. Timmy (the infamous Mike Mastando) and I were standing in line there, getting dared to order triple cheeseburgers... and I answered the challenge. I'd say Mike backed down, but he really trumped everyone in the store with his order: breakfast taquito with cheese and bacon meal, honey bbq chicken sandwich meal, and double bacon cheeseburger meal. And yes, he ate it all in one sitting. There was a girl there named Alex and she was about 4'6" or something, wicked short. I think she thought she was pretty hot, but Mike and I were thinking not so much. Anyway she was walking out with a guy who's hat said "I Only Date Crack Whores" and Mike said to her "What was your name?" Alex of course replied "Alex." And Mike said "Hey Alex, get the fuckin door." Classic Timmy.

We ended up at Joe's with some 9 bags of Whataburger and like 6 drinks. We chowed, the girls took off and I ended up sleeping at Joe's, this time on the couch. The moral of Friday is "You don't want to look back on Super Bowl week and remember how much you slept" and "Gator City Taxi is expensive, way more expensive than a new blinking cup."

Saturday, February 5, 2005
Mikey and I had to run to the Office and to Kinko's so we could make some flyers for the OPCs to hand out at SuperFest, plugging the money machine. Right around noon, Scotty G made his triumpant arrival in Jacksonville for the party. I always love to see IU and GHS alums in my fair city. Once we met up at my apartment and I got a shower, Scoot and I headed to pick up Mike and make our way downtown.

Arriving on Bay Street brought 2 surprises:
A. Shannon (one of our managers) was wasted and it was only 2 pm
2. I slept with a Whataburger bag in my arms and snored all night long.

Thanks Joe for spreading the rumours all over Jax!! Anyway, that didn't stop me and Mike from rocking the mic til the midnight hour. It was Saturday, so the booze was flowing earlier than expected. Scotty didn't want to start drinking til we found the 32 oz brews for $5. His dad taught him well. We scoured Superfest, Forsythe Street, and Finally the Landing for candy for the cute OPC, which was a fiasco ending with us finding it, only to have Jessica leave at 6 pm. Did I mention I found out later she has a boyfriend? I'm such a sucker. Anyway... the fun continued. Scotty and I were trapped at the Landing during the search. And when I say trapped, I mean we couldn't move. It was busy upon busy. Wall to wall people. Worse than FLA/GA weekend.

I get the call to come pick Elizabeth and Laural up and getting out of downtown is nuts. Rather than let me take a left hand turn which would have put me right on the Hart Bridge, they made me go right and circle around by the Adams Mark hotel. As Russ would say "Totally Ridiculous." Well, I finally got to the rendez-vous point and Elizabeth was nowhere to be found, which was awesome because I couldn't think of anything better. She made it over a few minutes later, but she had to take Laural back to her car because Laural didn't want to wait (It's not like the Super Bowl was in town or anything). To pass the time, Scotty and I played 90s Trivial Pursuit.

We got back to Bay Street where Mike was still rocking the mic, so we grabbed 4-32 oz brews from the Landing, and headed back to the booth. This routine would continue at least 3 more times. After a few of these large lagers, Scotty started rocking the mic a little, too. If you know Scott, you know he's a little introverted... but look out when he gets tipsy. Our goal that night was to get Scott his first lap dance, so when we closed shop, we headed to the Gold Club... only to find it was 1:30 am and they were open til 2 am and the cover was $30. We tried to haggle, and when they were not ready to negotiate, I spouted "Well, I'd rather go to Whataburger."

And yes.. I was at Whataburger for a 3rd straight night. It was Scott's first night there. Mike and I repeated our orders from the night before. I have not visited Whataburger since. We ate at Joe's apt. Scott and I finally went back to my apt and watched The O.C. What a way to end the eve of Super Bowl XXXIX

Super Bowl Sunday, February 6, 2005
The day Jacksonville has been waiting for since like 2001. It started with IU getting their asses kicked by Illinois. Not good times. Scott was mad at me for letting Illinois regain their lead. I take full responsibility.

We headed to Super Wal Mart for food. I was making my classic enchiladas for the game. On the side, 2 versions of the Brian Cole cheez dip.

Upon the arrival at Joe's, we made sure the HDTV was set up correctly. We wanted to watch this game right. Once you go Hi-Def, you never go back. Joe took off to buy chairs and while he was gone, Mike and Shannon arrived. I already had cheez dip part 1 ready, and Mike dove right in. Soon, Laural and Elizabeth arrived and the enchiladas were ready. Kickoff to Super Bowl XXXIX was underway, and the party was kickin.

As cheez dip part 1 was nearing its end, I made cheez dip part deux... the extra spicy version. This did not make Elizabeth too happy. You'll see why later.

Halftime was unbelievable. Sir Paul McCartney performed "Drive My Car," "Get Back," "Live and Let Die," and "Hey Jude." Best Halftime show EVER. The only thing that comes close was U2 in SB 36 ("Where the Streets Have No Name" remains the best all-time single performance). Elizabeth was like "Where's the second act?" OHMYGOD... It's a Beatle!!! There are no other performers.

The beer kept flowing for some, and some were forgetting particular aspects about the food. Elizabeth took a big scoop of cheez dip part deux... and forgot it was filled with Jalapenos. Oh lord, was that a scene. In her attempts to put the flames out, I offered a tortilla, because it was the closest thing to bread that was in Joe's apt. Well, Elizabeth decided to take chewed tortilla and put it down Mike's shirt (very juvenile) and it started an elementary school style fight between the two (Laural and I thought it was very cute). I am insinuating nothing.

At the end of the night, the Patriots had completed their quest to be a dynasty, I had won $0 in the pool. But we had to wait. Elizabeth and Laural went into the bathroom... together... for like an hour. Mike and the girls were hitting a club later ($100 cover, no thanks). So right after all the bathroom hijinks was over with, Elizabeth emerges wearing a pink corest... and I wondered if it hurt to breathe. I mean this thing was tight. I was having trouble breathing just looking at it. And that was that. Super Bowl Weekend was over for me. Scotty went home to Savannah, but his glasses didn't.

All in all... it was one fantastic week. I highly recommend you get a super bowl in your town.

Better late than never...

2005-01-31T11:54:00.000-05:00

The latest from Elitist Northerners that wish they could host the Super Bowl.

This column ran on Jan 26. Now Tony hits it right on the head when he says us Jacksonville-ians are going to rant and rave about his opinion. And why wouldn't we? Those of us that live in this fair city, I don't know... actually enjoy it? Just this past Saturday, I recall my friend Kristin finally admitting that "It's not such a bad place to live."

Tony writes for the Washington Post. His work speaks for itself. But is Washington going to get a Super Bowl Bid?? Not likely, Tony. I think if a town elects a mayor arrested for somking crack, the NFL might go in another direction... and this is the NFL we're talking about here. The league that suspended Jim Miller for an over-the-counter protien supplement, but lets Michael Irvin and Ray Lewis run amuck.

Jacksonville is the city I call home right now. It's the city where "I can wear flip flops on Christmas Day."* It's where friends of mine from Griffith, like Mike Smith, live. And where friends from college like Kirk live. We got the Super Bowl, and Tony's town didn't. Get over yourself.

... If we could only get attractive strippers now!!!!

*A line from Drew Copeland's song "A Little Like Heaven"

The life and times of an OC addict

2005-01-26T14:21:00.000-05:00

Oddly, I'm not talking about myself. See, the last two nights, I've wanted to go home and bury myself in The Da Vinci Code, but I wasn't allowed. A colleague of mine forced me, against my will mind you, to go out on Monday, and last night, this person requested a view of The OC. So now I'm two days behind and hardly into the book at all. Ugh. I've always been a nerdy person, but never much of the reading type. Now that I'm into a book... someone is trying to take it away from me!!! It's upsetting.

The funny thing is, when this colleague gets me to go out with our group of co-workers, I can't help but think that it wouldn't matter if I was there or not.

Good times.

Twenty dollars and a new book

2005-01-23T22:38:00.000-05:00

Very entertaining weekend. Let me begin with how it finished: I lost $20 betting on football. See, I have a tendency to preach the gambling rules of Bill Simmons, but rarely do I follow them. I decided to place $20 on the Pittsburgh Steelers because they were home, had an undefeated quarterback, AND WERE RECEIVING POINTS!!! Well, you win, Skelly.

Ah, the book. My good friend Kirk just finished reading a spectacular book, and we became engrossed in a conversation about it. Rarely do I read novels, but this one was quite intriguing. So today I began reading The Da Vinci Code. I can tell you after 4 chapters that this might end up being my favourite book of all time (I think the competition is like 3 other full length novels, and I was forced to read 2 in high school).

Pick up a copy if you get the chance. I do plan on sending a copy to brother bob since he is a fan of great literature.

2 weeks til Super Bowl. See you there.

And one last thing: Welcome back to the Dirty South, Guh.

Another one of those stories...

2005-01-20T13:54:00.000-05:00

... That a person shouldn't have.

This story is akin to my old roommate's "So I was showering at the SRSC today."

This one is about starting a car. Someof my co-workers and I were leaving the call center to grab a bite. I was suffering from a pounding headache which I don't usually get. One of the other manager's car wouldn't start. I am not a car guy, nor is Mike. We checked the oil, thought about giving it a jump. Finally we called the infamous Joe McCarthy for help. What children we were. He arrived with some gasoline, and jumper cables. First he tried to start this car to see if he could hear the problem. He put some gas in, and it started... for about 5 seconds. So he went to the gas station to get another gallon. After putting in another gallon, Joe gave it a crank and UREKA!!! The car started!

So.. lets recap. Our co-worker ran out of gas, and is convinced that it's not her fault. Is it fair to poke fun??

When gas guages aren't enough, I got with tripometers.

In Training...

2005-01-18T13:07:00.000-05:00

Not me. My training class. I have two over the next 4 days. I get to train new reps on how to be lethal telemarketers. Maybe I'll become a college professor when it's all said and done and I've made my millions. Probably not...

Oh, that was a terrible title...

2005-01-17T14:37:00.000-05:00

It's been a while is a stupid song.

It's been a while

2005-01-17T14:33:00.000-05:00

In short, I've had nothing to blog about in the last 2 months, but that's all over now. Hopefully I'll become a blogging machine once again!!!

Holidays
They were grand. I went home to see the mom, and it was good... but freakin cold. Remind me again why I moved to FLA? The second best part was seeing some old friends, one in particular I had not seen in about 2 and a half years. We did some drinkin, good times, good times. Jammin with the band, tellin stories with Kremer and JoeCo, and not to mention the obligatory night out at the bar with the fun and only Bob Haas, my older brother. Always good for some sage wisdom.

BCS
The Bull Crap System. Tell me this: how is a one loss team worthy of a share of the national championship, but TWO undefeated teams are left and there's "No Doubt" about USC being champs. No wonder why The Sports Guy doesn't like college football. I'm starting to doubt cfb myself.

Changes in Plan
I'm standing up in a wedding that was supposed to take place April 15, but that changed since the groom has to work in Europe for the spring... but that might open the door to a European Bachelor's party!!! More on this as it develops.

Dedication
It only took me 4 weeks to watch every episode of The OC: The complete first season. I may have addicted my co-workers to it as well... Not good. I do still take pride in never buying Dawson's Creek dvds for myself.

In Closing
Go Steelers.

More tales from the JoeCoShow

2004-10-28T17:56:00.000-04:00

April 2003-
I was an uninvited guest on the Mangina Monologues with Mark and Joe. My lust for making prank phone calls was in full popularity of the 6 person listening audience (4 of whom were in the studio). Here is one of my all time favorite radio moments. This one involves the great Joe Kirkendall.

Mark: Let's do a call.
Pat: Who should we call?
Joe: Let's call my dad's cut glass company, I know the guy that's working today. It will be great.
Pat: What do I say?
Joe: Tell them you're with Zimmer Company and you need glass golf balls as soon as possible.
Pat: Will he believe that?
Joe: Oh yeah, Zimmer always does business with us.
Pat: Dial it up!!
........
Clerk: Warsaw Cut Glass Company, how can I help you?
Pat: Hi, I'm Patrick, I'm the new purchasing agent with Zimmer, I was wondering if I could get a rush order in that I need ASAP.
Clerk: Sure, what do you need?
Pat: I need glass golf balls, can you do that?
Clerk: We don't usually do that, but I think we can. How many do you need?
Pat: At least one pair right away. If they are good, we'll order more. Can you invoice us?
Clerk: Yeah we can invoice you, that's no problem. How big do you want them?
Pat: It doesn't matter how big the piece is, just as long as the balls are huge.
Clerk: Ok, we can do that.
Pat: Do you know Joe Kirkendall?
Clerk: Yeah, I know Joe.
Pat: Uh... he just punk'd you. You're on the radio in Bloomington. He had me call you, I'm not with Zimmer. There is no order for huge glass balls.
[Background laughter and hilarity]
Clerk: Tell Joe he's gonna get more than punk'd next time I see him.

Good times....

Let me get this straight...

2004-10-28T17:25:00.000-04:00

So I've been thinking a lot about things Kerry said, especially with this lost explosives fiasco. He has said time and again that Bush has failed in Iraq and this is more fuel for the fire. But evidence shows that the weapons were gone prior to the April 10th, 2003, when we toppled Saddam.

Here's the funny thing. Alan Colmes said that Kerry is attacking the administration, and not the troops on the ground. Obviously, Colmes needs to do some research on organizational management. Bush puts forth a plan, the generals pass orders to Colonels who pass orders to Majors and so on and so on. Bush orders the big picture, the troops carry out the little tasks. So saying the administration failed at a little task attacks the troops on the ground. But this isn't the first time Kerry attacked his own country's troops on the ground, is it?

So let me get this straight... I am to believe Kerry supports the troops, but this is the wrong war at the wrong time.

Bush lied about WMD, but didn't secure weapons that are definitely there.

Bush has distracted fighting a war on terror in Iraq, when terrorists are coming into Iraq and fighting Americans.

Kerry will build strong alliances, but France and Germany refuse to commit a troop or a $1 no matter who is in power.

Kerry says outsourcing is bad, but he wants to flood the market with canadian drugs.

Oil Prices are too high, but drilling offshore and in alaska to increase supply is bad.

The point is I don't get it. I don't get it. I don't get it. Let me tell you something about Iraq from the ground: It's going better than you think. I have a source, we'll call him Lance Corporal Dan Riordan that says it's going well. They are rebuilding school. Yes there is a resistance from terrorists, but that's where they are there to do, fight a war on TERROR. Amazing thought isn't it?

Gotta go 2

2004-10-26T13:10:00.000-04:00

It has been a while since my last blog, so I'm doing two today. The problem is, I don't really have anything to talk about in post #2 today. What I'm thinking of doing is post a new song I finished writing on Sunday. (Five minutes to walk out to the car and ponder.....)

Ok I will. Here's a little Behind the Music. I was at my Uncle's Apartment at 3 am Sunday Morning, and I couldn't sleep. Usually this is when I think of song lyrics and song ideas, but forget them by morning. So I got up out of bed, found a pen, but couldn't find paper (Great). Lucky for me, I had my folio in my car, which has a legal yellow pad and all but 1 of my previous songs. So I grabbed that, and put pen to paper. It's more or less a song about new beginnings and old fears. I kept thinking of the song "Surrender" by Sister Hazel, and that influences the chorus. If I were famous, this could be a radio single because I put simple but effective music to it. Anyway, I like it. If any A and R reps are reading this, feel free to email me (as if).

-----------------------------------------------

"Only One That Matters"
Words and Music by Patrick Riordan (c)2004

Today's the day I look to the sky to see amazing things
An yesterday I wondered why, If you ever felt the sting
So a week ago I dropped my guard to let you right back in
That sky tonight shines bright those stars and surrenders me again

Are the memories enough to last forever?
Or do they lack what you and I both wanted?

(Chorus)
So look me in the eye, take me by the hand
Tell me what your heart still knows so I can understand
Then meet me at the point where we can be together
Cause to me, in my dreams, in my life
You're the only one who matters

I must be crazy to think that I can fill my fantasies
But looking back I see that night of recent tragedies
To see your smile is all I need to get it back once more
And kiss your lips, and know the feel just like it was before

Can I take the chance just like I did back then?
Or is my mind just seeing things that aren't really there?

(Chorus maybe a solo/middle 8 and another chorus)
------------------------------------------------

So that's my latest. One thing I've learned is that it's never done. I can always add/change/dump in the future. But feel free to comment.

A first in my life

2004-10-26T12:20:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, for the first time EVER in my life, I paid over $2 for a gallon of Unleaded gasoline. It was kind of an amazing moment. I was even a little excited about it. At the end of the fueling, I had spent $45 to fill my gas tank. I'm sure a new record will be set within the month.

Saturday, Air Force 1 flew right over my head. I was at the Bush Rally at Alltell Stadium, the largest voluntary campaign rally in history. I say voluntary because Philly's rally for Kerny was larger, but all the city workers were given the day off and attendance was mandatory. But I digress. Bush's speech sounded canned at times, but I'm sure he gave that exact speech about 647 times in the last 3 days. I shouldn't critcize because my favourite bands play the same set list throughout a tour, so it's really the same thing. But it was a surreal experience. I can now say I was in the presence of America's Greatest President.

Radio Show Names

2004-10-19T21:36:00.000-04:00

The Joe Collins Radio show for 2004-2005 changes it's name weekly. I say we start a campaign to get some suggestions for future show names. Here are some names he has had this year:

"The Union Jack Finger Fiasco"
"The Wayne Angers Show"

Some Names he had in past years (with other WIUS personalities) are:
"Sean Conneriah and Other Venarial Music"
"The Mangina Monologues"

Throwing my hat into the ring I will suggest "Nutsacks and Mayhem with Joseph." The only other thing I can think of "Deuce and a half with Joe" or "That Great Campus Po-opping Radio Show." Please leave your suggestions in the comments.

The Joe Collins Radio Show

2004-10-15T12:15:00.000-04:00

For the 2 people that actually read this blog, I'd like to introduce you to my favorite radio show in the entire US of A. I don't even know if it has a name this year. Last year it was called "Too Hardcore for One Hand with Joe and Joe". The second Joe is Joe Kirkendall (note: I have 6 Joe's in my cell phone contacts). It's hosted by my good friend Joe Collins. This Blog is dedicated to the fun times I've had as a guest the Joe Show. Think of it as the textual version of the Best Of:

First Appearance Dec 01: I called in to what was then known as "Behind the Pegboy" with Elon and Mark, my good friend Brian Kremer was guest host. At the time I was managing a video store in Wright Quad. All Brian wanted to know was if we had porn.
BK: So what kind of Porn do you have?
PR: We don't really carry it. Parents would get upset. But we have this one film called "Breasts: A Documentary." It was on HBO, I think."
BK: Is it worthy of a deposit in the spank bank?
PR: Doesn't look like it. I don't see attractive women on the cover.

(note: I'm listening to Neal Boortz while I am at work, and he decided that Mrs. John Edwards is fair gamed and said she has bulked up since they got married. He poses the question to Edwards "Do you think your wife is fat by choice or because she was born that way?" I had to get that in, sorry.)

I made regular appearances during my senior year. I didn't do anything of great importance until second semester when I'd break out the acoustic and lead a sing along. But then we renewed a joke done by other radio jockeys: the phone prank.

March '03 (on air):
Joe Kirkendall: Hey, let's call someone.
JC: OK, who should we call?
JK: How about my girlfriend's sister's roommate? She's not bright.
PR: I used to have a crush on her back in September... Dial it up!
[Phone dialed and ringing]
Answering Machine: Hi, we're not here to take your call, leave a message and we'll call you back!
PR: Hey Jen, this is Patrick, Joe's Friend. I just wanted to call and tell you I have a really HUGE crush on you and I think we should go out sometime. It would be fun. We could go out to dinner or for a walk or something, then we could get naked and roll around in the sack for a while. Sound good? Gimme a call!
[Laughter throughout the studio]
JC: Where do you come up with this stuff?
PR: I don't know, it just came to me.

More to come.....

What's yer point?

2004-10-13T22:45:00.000-04:00

This article from RollingStone.com is long, and I don't see the point. What was this guy trying to accomplish? Did he come out feeling at all better about Republicans? He doesn't say. Maybe it is that there are "good" and "bad" Republicans. I feel ill....

Our Dumbass President

2004-10-13T14:09:00.000-04:00

For four years now, I've had to hear about the lack of intelligence of George W. Bush from those that oppose him. To tell you the truth, I'm a little sick of it. And here's why:

Yale graduate. Harvard MBA. Successful businessman. Governor of the State of Texas. President of the United States. Grantor of freedom to 50,000,000 people and counting. I can hear the arguments now...

Bush money got him into Yale and Harvard. Bush legacy got him in, Bush money paid the tuition, but W hard work and intelligence got him to graduate. I'm going to let you in on something: Virtually no dumb people go to IVY League Schools. It doesn't happen. I went to freaking IU Bloomington, and not that many dumb people went their either. If the Ivy league is the most elite collection of high learning institutions in this country, then wouldn't it be logical to think that W is one of the elite minds in this country? You all believe John Kerry is, and he went there, too. Keep in mind that Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard Business School. Michael Dell dropped out of Univerisity of Texas- Austin.

Bush failed at many businesses. Ah yes, but he was successful at a few as well. He brought a brand new stadium to Texas for the Rangers and fulfilled a boyhood dream. Most successful businessmen fail a few times anyway. You remember Donald Trump? He has this show called "The Apprentice." Long story short, he has declared bankruptcy in the past and had to give up title of chairman and CEO of his own casino company. So to make Bush out to be stupid because he failed at running a business is riduclous.

My theory is that most of the people who think he is stupid are arrogant people that probably think a lot of people are stupid. Who are they to think they are so smart? The President is a good man. If you disagree with him, that's one thing, but if you viciously and unjustly pass judgment on him, then you probably need to do a little thinking about the next time you criticize anyone's intelligence.

Are you for serious?

2004-10-12T16:03:00.000-04:00

Matt Drudge reports:
Edwards: "When John Kerry is president, people like Christopher Reeve are going to walk. Get up out of that wheelchair and walk again"

I didn't even think he could go that low. I suppose trial lawyers are just more educated versions of sleezy salesmen...

In other news, Big oil is to blame for high gas prices. Just ask John Forbes. I wonder if John noticed that demand hasn't shrunk in the least for oil. Economically speaking, how does he think the oil prices will fall if demand contiues to remail high or even increase, while supply is shrinking? I wish I could draw some supply and demand curves on this thing... BLAST!!

The argument that Bush's buddies are gaining from this, but if crude oil is at an all time high, wouldn't that mean their cost of goods sold is at an all-time high as well? The business are just trying to maintain a profit margin so they can do things like... oh I don't know... provide American Jobs. Oh that's right, Bush isn't doing that either. I guess Carry has a plan to decrease demand and increase supply of oil so the equilibrium market price is low enough.

PS- I drive and SUV and have a 40 mile drive to work a day. And I don't blame Bush for my demand for oil.

Lord I was born a rambling man

2004-10-11T23:05:00.000-04:00

Volume 2 of my completely unoriginal (but hopefully funny) Ramblings post.

Hitler ruined it for every person that wanted the short-square mousache. Just a shame.

Nothing good EVER came from a story that starts, "So I was showering at the gym today..." Yes, I have heard a story that started that way.

Ok, one good thing came from that: Unparalleled embarassment ammunition when that guy is trying to impress chicks. "Hey Steve, tell them about that time you were in the gym shower and you had an interesting story about it. Ladies, this is a classic!"

Has anyone boarded a plane saying, "I sure hope something amazingly scary happens today because I'm running out of conversation topics"?

What happened to Katie Holmes? You can't go from Joey to nothing. It's impossible. How is Hillary Duff more popular than her?

Celebrities I've been told I look like: Joshua Jackson (the Pacey), Jeff Gordon, Dale Earnhardt Jr., Clay Aiken, Nick Carter.

Hey lady from the plane, I do NOT look like Clay Aiken.

You ever wonder what Michael Moore's America would look like? Maybe we should give him a 30 day trial offer just so people would stop buying into his crap.

I love that "the deuce" has taken on new meaning. Thank you Brandon.

I think I'm one of the very few that hopes at least 2 more Cat 3 hurricanes come our way to get another few million people to move out of FLA.

What's with all the toll roads?

Another 48 hours...

2004-10-10T20:51:00.000-04:00

Flew into Gary/Chicago International Airport this weekend to see mom & co. I drank a lot of miller lite. I don't even really like miller lite. I guess its not so bad. Anyway, I'm back in the FLA and I'm ready to rock. I need to sleep....

Oh, but about GYY. This airport has 1 gate. One. Uno. Well, correction, 1 jetway, one gate that leads to a stairway. They also have hand-written boarding cards. The plane that flies out of there to Sanford, FLA, is probably older than my brother Bob. This thing had to have the ashtrays welded shut in the armrests.... who still flies planes with ashtrays??? How old does a plane have to be??? I did, however meet some nice people on the plane from South Bend. Not Notre Dame fans. Which is blastphome. The wife said I was a nice looking boy with a good head on my shoulder.... before we pulled back from the gate..... and I was the last one on the plane. She said I looked like a celebrity (to appear in the next ramblings post).

All in all, good times. Great to see Rico, Jason, Cari and all the other cousins that could be there. God Bless the open bar.

Halle Berry?

2004-10-07T17:57:00.000-04:00

No, Halliburton.

Wow. The Johns really like beating a dead horse with this Halliburton thing. And why not? Dick Cheney was CEO of Halliburton at one time. So it looks like there's some favoritism on the "no-bid contract."

My aunt advised me to look at history, before forming an opinion on these types of issues, so I have done that with our good friends at FactCheck.org and Rich Lowry of Town Hall.com.

Item #1: Cheney will profit from the no-bid contract. This is untrue because all monies paid to the VP by Halliburton is deferred compensation. Every dime paid to Cheney was earned while he was CEO leading up to the campaign when he resigned his position.

Item #2: Bush/Cheney colluded with Halliburton to grant them the no-bid contract. Well, if Bush is to blame, the poster-boy of the Dems is to blame as well. Halliburton was winning no-bid contracts from 1992-1997, during the Bush-41 and Clinton years.

Item #3: This was a no-bid contract. I'll admit, this is in-part true. However, some folk scapegoat Cheney before delving deeper into the issue. As Lowry points out, the Army has a competitive bidding war prior to contracting. Why you ask? Because many of these contracts (especially during wartime) need to be executed in a moment's notice, thus leaving no time for a bidding war. Does anyone ever wonder if there is another company that can even undertake a job like this? Being shot at, having the necessary resources to complete this job... things like that.

This is a really feeble argument as to why Bush/Cheney shouldn't be reelected. I'd buy the arugument if the Texas Rangers all of the sudden were winning world series...

Fall Classic is upon us

2004-10-06T20:02:00.000-04:00

Oustanding. Baseball is in the Playoff mode. Allow me to make my predictions:
ALDS: Minnesota over New York 3 games to 1
Boston over Anaheim 3 games to 2
ALCS: Minnesota over Boston 4 games to 3 (game 7 goes extra innings thus proving God is not a Red Sox fan)

NLDS: Cards over Dodgers 3 games to 0
Braves over (suck-)Astros 3 games to 2
NLCS: Cards over Braves 4 games to 1

World Series: Cards over Twinkies 4 games to 2

Three Positives of this year's playoffs:
A. Cubs fans can't complain about foul balls.
2. Roger Clemens can't throw at anyone because he'll get jacked.
D. The Yankees won't even be in the ALCS (I sure hope I don't eat my words on that...)

Note: OOH-Rah for baseball moving out of French Canadia. Best move yet, although I supported contraction. Lets see if DC has what it takes for the second time around with an MLB team. They need a name.... I like the Washington Reagans. No? How bout the Washington Cruise Missiles? Washington Polaks? The Washington Federalists? Wait... do we know where these guys are going to play yet???? I mean like a stadium. Does RFK Still exist? Their fan base will have to be West of the Potomac for the most part. I think the Orioles have claimed most of Maryland. Although I knew one person that was all about DC everything, I'll be she'll change party affiliation.

I love this game.....

Debating about someone else

2004-10-06T12:33:00.000-04:00

I like to see a good debate where the goal is to speak as little about yourself as possible, unless directly asked to do so. Vice President Dick Cheney sat down next to Senator John Edwards for rousing debate last night. Hoosier Parliament made a great observation about this meeting of the mind and the mindless.

The night before, I was speaking with a friend of mine that is not Bush supporter (we'll call her Jessica), and we were discussing the upcoming VP showdown. We both agreed, Edwards would be slaughtered by Cheney. By the way she strongly dislikes Edwards, despite their common party affiliation, warrants mentioning.

Anyway, I don't think it was a shalacking like I predicted, but I do think Cheney was better, hands down. At times I think Edwards was defensive, he interrupted Cheney more than once, didn't answer questions at times, and didn't follow directions (with out using your candidate name....). Edwards got a few digs in as well, and he used some of his "Fancy Lawyerin'" to not answer questions. Pretty slick.

We played a drinking game at my house where everytime Edwards said "Haliburton" we took a drink. And yes, I was pretty well on my way by the end of the debate. I think he said it 5 or 6 times in on question... that's a lot of tequila.

Does it ring in on anyone that Haliburton is the only company in America that does construction projects like this? No other company could handle such a large job. And the no bid contract... isn't that the point of having friends in high places? To get things like discounts, free Jags tickets, and cars at costs? How many times have you heard/said "I have a friend who is a lawyer and he always does free legal work for me"? For cryin out loud, people were asking me to use my roommates Tahoe and he was out of the country! It just so happens that these two friends are the President and Vice President, so it's publicized.

Ok, I'm done. Thanks for playing along.

Could I get this deal too???

2004-10-05T15:59:00.000-04:00

Bill Simmons strikes again with another fantastic column. It makes me want to demand a trade too!!

Anyway, I haven't done a ramblings entry (a la Bill Simmons) yet, so I think I will now. For those who don't read the Sports Guy, this is a collection of thoughts I've had over the past week or two. They are rarely related to one another. Most are meant to be funny. (I'm all of the sudden reminded of my high school French class....) On with the ramblings....

Before last Friday, I never thought I could say, "Hey, take a look a the golf green on my desk."

My favorite part of the 2004 White Sox was the part when they traded for the same two guys to help them win the division this year as they did in 2003. Correct, they didn't win the division then, either.

Is it wrong to be glad the Cubs didn't make it? I only say this because the Sox didn't.

If Kerry's elected, I might check out those Aussie beaches my small best friend Diana told me about... But I'll most likely stay here, being a boring accountant.

Who took the duck out of my egg???

I said it before... Do you have your own bobblehead, Scott? HAHA Jackass, I do!

Who are these people that call my cell phone and it doesn't show their number? What is this? 1901??

I disagree with Drew Garabo when he says "I'd rather skewer my eyes out than watch the Barenaked Ladies TV Show." Strongly Disagree.

Drew Garabo doesn't like the song "Wonderful Tonight." I know because he hung up on me when I mentioned it.

I love the Drew Show.

Everbody Wang Chung tonight.

There will come a day when I will play video games again and the burglars will rue the day that they practiced their thievery on my xbox.

The best Italian Beef outside of Chicago is Mike's Pizza and Deli Station in Clearwater, FLA. No doubt in my mind.

As much as I hate the Yankees, I don't think Boston will EVER beat them in the playoffs. And if by some fluke luck they do, the NL representative can go ahead and uncork the champagne.

PS- the city of Boston couldn't handle a world series win. They wouldn't know what to complain about anymore.

Maybe its time for John Edwards to have a Dean-like nervous breakdown. Would anyone be against this?

Jacksonville needs your help. Send attractive strippers. I'm talking to you Atlanta and Tampa.

We haven't had a good ole fashion gang riot in a while. Why is that?

Time for Chinese food....

Driving every mile of Interstate 4

2004-10-04T22:22:00.000-04:00

Not as impressive as it sounds. But nevertheless, an accomplishment of itself.

I went to Orlando friday to help with hurricane relief, in my own special way. I watched Sister Hazel play an acoustic show. There was a meet-n-greet. I probably weirded out Drew Copeland, and I completely stumped Ryan Newell with a question. Always fun. But it was the opening act that was most exciting. Diana Anaid is an Aussie guitar playing babe. I believe that 3 in plus column. She did a little meet-n-greet that left to this exchange:

Diana (with a sexy aussie accent): Hi, thanks for coming
Patrick: Great show, I'd never heard your music til today. I'm going to pick up your cd.
Diana: Thanks, I apppreciate it.
Patrick: I decided that I need to date a hot Australian girl before I die.
Diana: You know Australia has some beautiful nude beached and they love your accent.
[My accent??? You have an accent.....]
Patrick: Is that an invitation??
[Laughter]

Finished up the weekend in Clearwater and sat 4th row at the Jags game back in Jax(Colts suck).

The debate... late

2004-10-04T21:50:00.000-04:00

Time for my thoughts on the debate, because everyone has to put in some kind of opinion in this supposed "Blogosphere" (if I'm even a part of that).

Rhetorical Critiques:
Advantage Kerry. Obviously this guy knows how to get himself out of a verbal jam. He can make anything sound good (if he doesn't get elected, I can get him to sell timeshare). He sounded a little more prepared. All of these things are to be expected. George tends to be better in an one-on-one style, casual format where his awkward pauses and frequent "uhs" aren't garnering scrutinizing and competitive attention. Saying the word is one thing, what is said is a whole other issue.... moving on

Showdown on the issues:
Advantage Bush. Although I think he had the opportunity to really slam dunk Kerry on some issues, he made more strong rebuttals. I give credit to Kerry on some rebuttals (afterall, debates are won and lost in the rebuttals), but overall, I would say Bush edged out Kerry. Many Bush supporters think Bush handily beat Kerry, and Kerry supports think Kerry destroyed Bush. This Bush supporter thinks that Kerry definitely held his own and had some good answers. If Bush would have hit on the irresponsible voting against the infamous eighty-seven billion more (the actual voting against it, not the flip-flop line), I think people would have seen that Kerry flip-flopped in the debate! Kerry said something to the tune of sending ill-equipped soldiers into Iraq and he would never do that, but he tried to! Anyway, Bush had some opportunities, took some and missed others.

Actually Answering the Questions:
Advantage Push. You read that right. I said Push, not Bush. This is a tie. At times the fellas would avoid the question to make a particular point. Maybe they weren't listening. I don't know, but it was annoying at times. Both are guilty.

There ya go. A virtual tie in my eyes and Bush has the same lead in the polls as before. Nothing changed. I admit I thought Kerry would self-destruct, but he held his own.

... I don't feel as confident for Edwards. Cheney will chew him up.

I don't get it.....

2004-09-30T15:53:00.000-04:00

Is there seriously a chance that rape laws will be repealed if we elect the wrong people?? It doesn't say here who Diaz supports, but I'm inclined to think if she's so anti-rape, maybe she's anti-Hussein. I mean, Saddam practiced state-sponsored rape.

Misdirected anger

2004-09-23T14:26:00.000-04:00

Two innocent American's were beheaded by sick, sadistic terrorists this week. My question to the left is "Why aren't you protesting this?"

Where's the uproar? Where's the vocal opposition? Where are the tears for innocent life taken? They are no where, and why? Because the idealogues on the left would rather direct their anger at the force trying their best to end this. And because of them, we have to tiptoe the issue instead of envoking a full out assault on these sick people. Let me clue you in on something Mr. Hippie Protester; those terrorist would kill you and any other American whether or not we were "occupying their country." They hate you, they hate me, they hate us.

This is why the left is constantly on the wrong side of history. This is why a John Kerry led US is what the terrorists want.

I'm not against a healthy debate about healthcare, economy, etc. But when American lives are taken because we're trying to make people free and keep them safe, I take offense when liberal weiners blame us for that.

I'm pissed off.

Am I wrong dude?

2004-09-22T16:05:00.000-04:00

I hear a lot of Bush-Bashing on the Economy. In my view, that should be one of his strongest points to hit while on the campaign trail. I have no doubt that worldwide terrorism is the marquess issue of our time, but it's juvenile to think that this economy is weak. Take it from an underemployed finance major, I don't blame George W. Bush for that.

The sad reality is that the "Clinton" Economy was fake. Inflated corporate stock price, profits, over hiring... the list goes on. People were making more money than ever, and a lot of them didn't deserve it. So those people were laid off, companies bankrupted, and the bubble burst. If Amazon.com learned anything, it's that you can't have a high stock value with no profits.

If I've learned anything about economics, it's that growth needs to be steady and sustainable. I'm sure after you look at that you see the headline "Profits are flat." Let me remind you that it was still positive, it was still growth, and it's one quarter out of 14 consecutive where we've had solid growth. Think about it, people just didn't spend that quarter, is that W's fault? Also, you need to look at the big picture. If Democrats claim to be the party of the people, why do they only care about a few people who mostly decide not to contribute to society? The big picture....

Oh.. so you're upset about job creation. Well, here's lesson number 2 from the Patrick Riordan School of Business and Economics. Businesses Presidents hire people, US President don't. Job Creation is a buzz word used to appeal to the lowest common demoninator. The one where the people think they are screwed because MonsterdotcomGeorgeWBush isn't finding them a job. Bush did his part for capitalism: lowed taxes across the board to free up money for the Richest 1% could hire more people. If Bush hired more people, taxes would go up, because it would be a government job thus the government spending even more money.

Pretty simple stuff. Bush Economy: good. Steady Growth. Sustainable Growth. Natural Job Creation. I think it was the only mistake made in the Republican Convention.

Week 1 in the books

2004-09-14T18:11:00.000-04:00

So I lost week 1 by 1 point. Seems my gambling problems continue through 2004. Oh, I should explain. I'm in a football pool. Pick all the games. Total points on monday night. I had 11 going into monday night. All I need was for Carolina to win which would have produced a 4 way tie. If the combined score would have been 39 points or less, I was in the money. Favre thwarts me again. That guy is a bastage if there ever was one. SHTOINK!!!!!

What is it?.... It's a gun rack!

2004-09-13T10:58:00.000-04:00

Last time I checked, criminals don't care what gun laws they break when they kill people. You know... cause killing people is a more serious offense than breaking a gun law. It's a point that Michael Moore fails to point out in Bowling for Columbine. I remember him mentioning that the assault rifles that Eric and Dylan used in the massacre were legally purchased. What he doesn't mention is that the guns were illegally acquired, i.e. they were stolen. I suppose they didn't break a gun law so much as a property right. Point is, they would have found a way.

Even Australia tried to ban guns completely.

I like what John F Kerry had to say about this one:

Kerry said renewing the assault weapons ban would not interfere with the Second Amendment rights of gun owners.

What constitution is he reading?

Semper Fi

2004-09-10T14:10:00.000-04:00

Not that 9/11 need any extra meaning or importance, my brother Danny ships out to the Middle East to defend freedom and fight terror with the 2nd Batallion 24th Marines. Send him your thoughts. Send him your prayers. Keep him in your heart. And be sure to thank him.

Even if you disagree with the war, you have to respect his willingness to fight.

Sister Christian, oh the time has come

2004-09-10T12:07:00.000-04:00

Last night was fabulous. Free Sister Hazel Concert+Super Bowl Kickoff Extravaganza+NFL Season Opener+Beers in the Parking Lot+Beers at the Ale House+Cheez Fries at the Ale House+ Good Lookin Ladies at the Ale house=Good Freakin times.

Well, at least you know I passed calculus... at least once.

Joey Mac and I hit up a cigar bar late into the evening and we made up great stories about who we really were. We would go up to fine lookin ladies and he said I had just been released from prison. So I said he was living off the royalties of a one-hit wonder his dad wrote in the 50s. And the waitress was hot.

Time to get polic-tical: Love Boat Vets for Truth vs. Texans who can't remember who flew in the Air National Gaurd on Pay Per View tonight!! Call your local cable operator.

Honestly, has there ever been this much hoopla over a raised "th"?? I think this validates Christmas in Cambodia.

Welcome to Inspiration

2004-09-09T17:05:00.000-04:00

Hello all-
I've been inspired by great minds like Radley Balko, Nick Blesch, Alex Gude, Zach Wendling (and the rest of the Hoosier Review gang), and Guster(?). Sometimes I just need to get my thoughts out and sometimes I just need to vent. I will try to make this as daily as possible if you all tell your friends and feel free to criticize and compliment me. I think checking blogs will become part of my daily info diet. I like to hear what people think (except for libs, they don't count, lol). OK I was just kidding about that. I love a spirited debate. I might be a genius, I might be an idiot. Only you can tell me. One thing's for certain, Joe Collins thinks I'm the man. The truth is Joe is. On my inaugural post, I leave you with this: "It's like what Lenin said..."--"I am the walrus... I am the walrus... I am the walRUS."