Donny, you're out of your element

Have you ever missed your connecting flight?

2008-05-09T11:00:00.002-04:00

It goes something like this...

You- a 737. Me- arriving from Chicago en route to Hartford. You waited patiently at the gate as I winged my way to Newark Airport. You know the one. We met eyes but you already pushed back. I watched you taxi to the run way and takeoff. I know this is a longshot, but I know we shared something. I will be back on Sunday...

You want more?

http://harrisburg.craigslist.org/mis/666575722.html

For the record I like girls.

Brewers, Breuers, and Bresephs

2008-05-07T00:16:00.002-04:00

I'm not normally a fan of Troegs beer (a Local Central PA Brew) but tonight I had their Pale Ale and it wasn't bad. It was smoother than most Pale Ales. Though it will never touch the greatness of Dogfish Head 90 Minutes I.P.A., it was good enough. Though I shall say that I was upset that Duke's did not have Riverside Wheat or Ithaca Apricot Wheat as draft options.

Admist all this beer controversy was the opportunity to see great friend and former bandmate, Brandon. He was passing through town on his way to Baltimore. Topics of conversation included movies, politics, The Simpsons, International Economics, and upper tanking, amongst many others. As the beers continued, it became increasingly tougher to stay on topic.

Anyway... tomorrow is an important day for Site Acq. Hopefully all will go well at my public hearing, which I assume it will. After all, I'll have the handsome devil on my side.

Til the next installment...

P.S. - I'm a little buzzed.

Wait, wait, wait

2008-05-05T23:42:00.002-04:00

Actually, 2 more random thoughts:

How sweet is that picture of me as a blonde? I miss those days.

If I can keep this thing up with some regularity, does that make me part of the "blogosphere"? Because Cowherd may end up hating me, and we can't have that.

Topical Creme de la creme

2008-05-05T23:19:00.004-04:00

It's been a while. Over a year. It seems after a long layoff from spouting my rants, raves, and ridiculous opions via the web, my dedicated audience of one begged for more. I kid, my audience is easily close to three if you include my mom and Eric.

So, what to blog about today? We have so many topics to choose from: Election, Gas Prices, Global Warming, the Gum Disease Gigivitis. But I'm not much of an expert on any of these topics, nor do I have a viable solution. That being said, here are some quick hits:

Election: Though my guitar strap says "O'Bama", my heart says "Split decision".

Gas Prices: Anyone that thinks taxing the oil companies is going to lower prices must have failed 1st grade math. It's simple, you want lower gas prices, increase the supply. Economics... it's fannnnnnTASTIC!

Global Warming: Is this still an issue? A. I prefer warm weather, 2. It was balls cold this winter. I'm actually rooting for it and I find myself producing as much CO-deuce as possible to do my part. We're all in this together people. Leaves changing is overrated.

The Gum Disease Gigivitis: Listerine.

Sorry about the last one, I'm watching Family Guy and Peter said that for reason.

Some final thoughts for today:
I like all flavors.
You a 737, me running through Newark.
I'm gonna live forever.

You wanted it... YOU GOT IT!!!

2007-01-04T15:06:00.000-05:00

Back by popular demand, and by popular, I mean Eric's demand. (Oddly enough, my all time favorite blog post was my AP Story about him moving to PA, and oddly enough, he's moving to PA. Chili Dogs won't be the same.)

Enough rambling... Time for more.

So, Notre Dame lost and I'm disappointed in them losing, but next year will be huge. Mark my words.

The OC is getting cancelled, which sucks.

And I have something for you (the reader): Darling. Go ahead, put that in your mouth, chew it, it's delicious.

Basically... I can't stop myself.

2006-06-12T21:25:00.000-04:00

This is probably a mistake. But I have to do it.

"You cut me down a tree and brought it back to me
And that’s what made me see where I was going wrong
You put me on a shelf and kept me for yourself
I can only blame myself, you can only blame me

And I could write a song a hundred miles long
Well, that’s where I belong and you belong with me
And I could write it down or spread it all around
Get lost and then get found
Or swallowed in the sea

You put me on a line and hung me out to dry
And darling, that’s when I decide to go to sea
You cut me down to size and opened up my eyes
Made me realize what I could not see

And I could write a book, the one they’ll say that shook
The world and then it took, it took it back from me
And I could write it down or spread it all around
Get lost and then get foundAnd you’ll come back to me
Not swallowed in the sea

And I could write a song a hundred miles long
Well, that’s where I belong and you belong with me
The streets you’re walking on a thousand houses long
Well, that’s where I belong and you belong with me

Ah, what good is it to live with nothing left to give
Forget but not forgiveNot loving all you see
Oh, the streets you’re walking on a thousand houses long
Well, that’s where I belong and you belong with me
Not swallowed in the sea
You belong with me, not swallowed in the sea
Yeah, you belong with me, not swallowed in the sea"

-"Swallowed in the Sea" by Coldplay

I just want it back.

Round 2 Quotes

2005-12-01T22:54:00.000-05:00

Hello Competitors-

Welcome to round 2. Same rules apply except for tie breaker. Getting last names of actors and characters will be considered first in a tiebreaker, fun information/quotes from the movie in question, and timing will also be considered. Ultimately, I will judge the tiebreaker process going forward. Trust the Senator's judgement on this one. I will be fair.

------------------------

Round 2

“Take that your freaky piece of shit, you don’t mow another guy’s lawn!”

“That is a Cosby sweater… a COSBY SWEATER!”

“Yeah, well, listen. You ought to ditch the two geeks you're in the car with now and get in with us. But that's alright, we'll worry about that later. I will see you there.”

“You want to know what it takes to sell real estate? It takes BRASS BALLS to sell real estate.”

“Paul Allen has mistaken me for this dickhead Marcus Halberstram. It seems logical because Marcus also works at P&P and in fact does the same exact thing I do and he also has a penchant for Valentino suits and Oliver Peoples glasses. Marcus and I even go to the same barber, although I have a slightly better haircut.”

“Well, things are getting pretty serious right now. I mean, we chat online for, like, two hours every day so I guess you could say things are gettin' pretty serious.”

“Oz… Friends don’t engage in sexual congress with each other’s wives.”

“YES. You ain't cool, unless you pee your pants.”

“Are you crazy? A man in a really nice camper wants to put our song on the radio! Gimme a pen, I'm signin'! You're signin'! We're all signin'!”

“I can't hear you, you're trailing off and did I catch a niner in there? Were you calling from a walkie-talkie?”

Round 1- National Movie Quote Contest

2005-12-01T22:17:00.000-05:00

The Results are in for round 1. Two perfect scores and 7 very strong scores. Via the tiebreaker rules, Kyle P. is our round 1 champ.

Standings Through Round 1
1. Kyle P., Griffith, Indiana- 40 points*
Monica F., Jim Thorpe, PA- 40 points
3. Jason C., Ponte Vedra Beach, FLA- 34 points
4. Danny R., Griffith, Indiana- 29 points
5. Steve L., Palatine, Illinois- 26 points
Daniel R., Warsaw, Indiana- 26 points
6. Joe K., Warsaw, Indiana- 26 points
Eric S., West Lafayette, Indiana- 26 points
Scott G., Savannah, Georgia- 26 points

Thanks for all who entered and keep it coming. The battle was won by Kyle, but who will win the war??? Round 2 will be posted shortly.

Success as a failure

2005-11-30T21:30:00.000-05:00

One of the first things my new boss taught me when I started with SCS is that its OK to fail as long as you CYA (cover your ass). If I have exausted every single option and nothing works and the best solution isn't possible, it's ok. It's happened to me on a few sites, but none more evident than today.

I made my way down to the Huntington market with 4 very specific goals. Now I gave myself 2 full days to achieve them, but I am already well on my way to failing at three of them. And they aren't even very challenging goals, but I am trying.

Lawrence County, Ohio
Goal: Find out property info on a parcel.
Normally in most counties in PA, this isn't hard. You look at a tax assessment map, find the parcel number, and look up the owner's name. For some reason, in Ohio, this is an extremely cumbersome and difficult process. They don't know which way north is. I walk into this place with a survey depicting 4 different parcels, with legal descriptions, and 3 different departments can't tell me who own the parcel next to it. Failure #1.

Prichard, WV- Tower Site
Goal: Obtain telephone circuit ID from telco box at tower site.
The first few times I went to this site, the gate at the access road was secure with what I could only describe as a twisty tie. This wasn't the case today. There were five (5) locks, 3 combo, 2 key, daisy chained together at the road gate. This poses a problem for young, Patrick. See I had the combo to the compound and tried it on all three combo locks. To my chagrin, not a one worked. So there I stand, I good 1/2 mile from the tower, with no way into the the access road. If the combos I got today don't work, I'm walking it.

Lawrence County (that's right, another one), Kentucky (that's right, the difinitive -tucky)
Goal: Obtain Tax Parcel ID and Deed Book reference for existing tower site
The sad reality is that the tower own could not provide this info for me after asking for it over a month ago. I went to the courthouse, looked up the maps, and the maps in this Lawrence County were actually good. But, the map numbers did not reference property owners or deed numbers. HOW DOES THIS COUNTY COLLECT PROPERTY TAXES?????? I went to the recorder's office, and they were less helpful than mapping.

So three goals today, 3 failures. Not one of them was within my control. It's very sobering.

Weekend Recap

2005-11-28T21:36:00.000-05:00

This is the speed version of the 4 day Thanksgiving Weekend, starting with the moment I was kicked out of the office by the Presidet and COO at 3:00 pm:

Kohl's for jeans and underpants, nap, Double K for Revolver, On Demand Movies, Phantom phone calls, movie quote contest, football, turkey, gravy, apple pie, rock Shakey's, watch PTM at Shakey's, inappropriate humor, Jeep Ride with Sheetz lunch, Red Robin, cancelled show, More On Demand Movies, real phone call (waking me up), college football, rocked Pepper's, straightened up the A-P-T, talked to mom, watched the bears dominate, had an awkward moment, reconciled, outback steakhouse, Just Friends, finshed the night strong.

Then I got to work today and forgot how to do anything. 4 day weekends are rough.

The Return of the Movie Quote Contest

2005-11-24T13:16:00.000-05:00

Back in college, I administered a National Movie Quote Contest with friends from IU, Purdue, Florida and other colleges. Chili Cheese Salz was champion and J. Conwell was runner up. This go ‘round, I’m changing the rules.

-All answers must be submitted to me via email (patrick.riordan@gmail.com) or MySpace message (http://www.myspace.com/patrickriordan).
-Scoring: 1 point for movie, 1 point for character name, 1 point for actor, 1 bonus point for all three correct
-Honor system: there isn’t one. I can’t police this.
-In case of a tie, whoever submitted their answers first will be deemed champion of the game.
-All answers must be submitted with in one week (7 days) of the posting date on Blogger.
-------------------------------------

Round 1: 40 Possible Points

“You’re a lousy fucking softball player, Jack!”

“I hope you were the groom.”

“They've done studies, you know. Sixty percent of the time it works every time.”

“This weekend is not about me. It is about you. I'm gonna show you a good time. We're gonna drink a lot of good wine. We're gonna play some golf. We're gonna eat some great food and enjoy the scenery and we are going to send you off in style, mon frere.”

“Tattoo on the lower back? Might as well be a bullseye.”

“Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't get in a car, I don't ride in a car, I don't pick up the phone, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit don't fucking roll! Shomer shabbos!”

“True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend”

“This is the kid, calls me 59 days in a row, wants to be a player. There ought to be a picture of you in the dictionary under persistence kid.”

“You Want details? Fine. I drive a Ferrari, 355 Cabriolet, What's up? I have a ridiculous house in the South Fork. I have every toy you could possibly imagine. And best of all kids, I am liquid.”

“Hey, try not to suck any dick on the way through the parking lot!”

Here's the fake news

2005-11-20T16:16:00.000-05:00

As some of my readers know, I was once a journalist. Back in high school I wrote for the Panther Press, but never had aspirations of becoming a professional. From time to time, I like to let those old demons out and write as if I were still a reporter or columnist.

So here is a news story I concoted out of a conversation I had with Eric today while we were talking about the best drunk food by region. And yes, I have a slight chili dog obsession right now. And yes, it's someone else's fault that introduced me to the greatness of them in PA.

---------------------------------------------

Sudden name change sparks riots in Hbg

By Patrick Riordan
AP Contributor

HARRISBURG - Upon moving to Central Pennsylvania, young Eric Salczynski officially changes the Rico with Cheese from a barbecue bacon cheese burger to a chili cheese dog. This caused quite a ruckus downtown when millions of adoring fans received hot dogs instead of hamburgers when they ordered the Rico. Riots ensued, Salczynski is presumed stolen and smothered in chili and cheese somewhere in Perry County.

About three years ago, D. Scott Riordan, a high school friend of Salczynski, had deemed the barbecue bacon cheeseburger the “Rico with Cheese” after seeing a Burger King commercial.

“Rico deserved to have a sandwich named after him,” Riordan said. “He’s a credit to the cheese world and the public needs to realize this. The Burger King commercial was just a fluke. I would have named any sandwich ‘Rico with Cheese’ as long as it had copious amounts of cheese on it.”

Riordan heard the news last night that his suggestion had been changed to the Chili Cheese Dog.

“I’m not happy about this,” Riordan replied. “I wasn’t consulted on changing the sandwich. I was working on a national campaign for the Rico with Cheese. This doesn’t sit well with me.”

Salczynski, who was on tour with the Indiana Based quartet Darling, recently legally changed his middle name to “Chili Cheese” to signal the triumphant change of the Rico to the chili cheese dog, popular here in PA.

“It was time for a change,” Chili Cheese Salczynski said. “I had been living as Eric Edward for so long and it’s a good name and it works, but I need something with a little pizzazz. Chili Cheese does it for me. And it’s so delicious on a hot dog.”

Rioters outside The Spot in downtown Harrisburg were subdued with Chili Cheese Dogs. As it turned out, they just wanted to satisfy a late-night, alcohol induced Rico craving. Keith Hoppes, chili cheese dog connoisseur and gay pirate hooker, was among the drunk and hungry.

“I don’t care what it’s called, just make sure I get one when I want one,” Hoppes quipped. “The Spot dogs aren’t even good, but when I’m drunk, it’s like hitting on an ugly girl. Beer goggles, know what I mean? Same concept with Spot dogs.”

Salczynski’s whereabouts are uncertain at this point. Before the riots were subdued, he was carried out in the ruckus. Authorities have some leads in Perry County, but nothing has turned up yet. Salczynski’s family is holding out hope.

“All he wanted to do was bring the world was a great name for a delicious treat,” said Kristen, the eldest of Eric’s 3 younger sisters. “A great hot dog deserves a great name.”

For information regarding Salczynski’s whereabouts or donations for his Rico with Cheese fund, visit http://www.chilicheesesalz.com/ or 1-888-4-CC-SALZ.

Supermarket reading

2005-11-20T14:34:00.000-05:00

Headlines from various magazines I saw while I was in line at the Giant today:

People Magazine: Matthew McConaughey - Sexiest Man Alive 2005
Comment: I never figured Wooderson would get this title, but I guess starring in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days sealed the deal for him. Oddly enough, this doesn't really piss me off. Matthew is kind of sexiest man alive that I can support. If for no other reason he was arrested for playing bongos naked is his own house. And I loved EdTV.

In Touch: Bonus, 2 astounding headlines
BRAD AND JEN REUNION!
I think I'm the only male in his mid 20s in this country that actually prefers Aniston to Jolie. Scotty G and I used to get ridiculed for watching Friends in college, but we were Rachel fans. Now I don't really care who Bradley ends up with, but it's hilarious to me that after all of this Brangelina hoopla, that Angelina may actually drive Brad back to Jen... allegedly.

New Touble for Britney and Kevin!
Let me get this straight... unknown trashy dude meets Spears, convinces her to marry him, plants his seed in her womb, uses her fame to record an AWFUL rap cd, and now he's a little peeved that he's Mr. Britney Spears? Someone forgot who bought engagement ring... and gives him the weekly allowance. Sounds like a solid deal to me. Why would he actively try to screw this up? Is his self esteem really that low that he can't handle his wife's worldwide fame and that he's leeching onto it??

Teen People: Jessica and Ashlee: Together
Comment: I never realized how not related they look. Are they really sisters? Or is Ashlee the milkman's kid? And speaking of 7th Heaven alums, when is it ok for me to freely admit that Ruthie (Mackenzie Rossman, and yes, it is sad that I didn't have to look that up) is hot? Is it an Olsen twins kind of deal, or can I just publicly say she's a knockout without consequence? Someone needs to work on this...

I really need to stop shopping on Sunday mornings. I might end up going insane.

Shakey's and Rivalries

2005-11-19T11:05:00.000-05:00

Big show last night. And in the opinion of the band, we didn't live up to the hype. But no worries. We're still tightening up, working through songs, but we will be on point very soon. If nothing else, we have a lot of fun and it seems like the fans have a great time.

It was great to see my aunt, cousin and some of my co-workers come out for the show. Missy jumped up on stage and kissed me! Why does this keep happening? I think this is my second show where a good looking girl comes up and kisses the humble bass player. Wow.

The After Party...
If by after party, I mean eating crap food at the Eat n' Park. It was the kind of place where:

I was so hungry I didn't know what to get.
The waitress took 10 minuntes to get our drinks
The waitress took 15 minutes to take my order because of item number 1.

So the food sucked. Evidently at one point, Darrell had such a good insult for me that he was laughing so hard that he couldn't say it. Now that is what I call a burn...

But of course, that wasn't the high point. The highlight of the After Party was some unintelligible dude coming up to Keith... Here's how it transpired:

Dude: (uninteligible) duck hunting??

Keith: No. I don't fish and hunt. I catch and kill. And not ducks.

Dude: (unitelligibe).... New York.... (unintelligible)... duck hunting... man?

Keith: I don't hunt in New York, you can't use rifles.

Dude: Let me get your number, I want to give it to my friend.

Keith: No, I'm not giving you my number.

Then there was a little more banter. Luke told me to give him Jenny's phone number (867-5309). I didn't want to take any risks. I guess this is what happens at the EnP at 3:30 am.

College Football Saturday:IU plays Purdue for the Old Oaken Bucket in my old college town of Bloomington, Indiana. My Prediction: IU 31 Purdue 24. OH! Yeah

Other prediction: Notre Dame 35 Syracuse 17. Poor Orangemen, but ND is going BCS this year.

Downtown Hbg

2005-11-13T10:38:00.000-05:00

Went downtown to Harrisburg last night after a long day of band practice. The night started innocently enough as Brian and I practiced our acoustic set. We're going to throw out a few surprise songs, so it should be fun.

After that, Brian, Michelle, and I headed downtown after I received a text message to meet a friend I hadn't seen in over a month. And to my surprise, there were two friends! So it was a good time downtown. And since it is like me to catalog my drinks for the night, it went something like this:

Jagerbomb
Guinness
Miller Lite
Miller Lite
Miller Lite.

Not bad for about 2 hours. But the night was far from finished. Post Molly Brannigans, we headed to the Spot against our better judgment for some chili cheese dogs. Now, the Spot doesn't have the best chili cheese dogs in the world, but at 2 am and when your blood is a little thinner from the alcohol... it hits the spot (pun totally intended). I equate it to this: Normally the ugly girl the bar that keeps trying to talk to you but you don't think she's good looking til about the 5 shot of SoCo, then all the sudden she's a hottie. When you're that drunk, The Spot, White Castle, and La Bamba are actually that good. Not recommended without and heavy alcoholic appetizer.

Everybody's workin for the weekend...

2005-11-11T14:02:00.000-05:00

Oh I had to quote Loverboy. That's good stuff.

Happy Friday everyone. And Happy Birthday to my Nana.

I am suggesting some light reading this weeked. This is the latest from Joe K's blog. It's for those that love off the wall quotes, especially in a newspaper room before noon.

Best quote from the blog: "Not that you need to worry, but he thought you were a good looking man. When I die, I'm going to have my tombstone say that I was the only woman in Kosciusko County not to sleep with him." Koz-ee-os-ko. It's a county in Indiana. Much like Northumberland (PA) or St. Johns (FLA).

Notre Dame vs. Navy prediction: ND 42 Navy 14. Sorry boys, Weis/Quinn is just too tough.
Chicago (-13) vs. San Francisco prediction: CHI 24 SF 10. Give the points. "Is Ditka driving the bus??"

Movie recommenation: Jarhead. And please tell me if it's good.
Music reco: Anything by Neil Diamond. I suggest "Cherry Cherry." You might as well download the Loverboy song not that I have you thinking about it.

Something funnier coming in the near future.

Let's try this ONE more time

2005-11-10T22:05:00.000-05:00

Ok. I'll probably give up on this blog and try to resurrect it again in the future, but let's pretend that I won't this time.

Welcome back to "Donny, you're out of your element." A blog dedicated to the ridiculous thoughts in my head. I've been cheating on my blogspot blog with the myspace blog, but that's about to get more interesting since I fully plan on using both, depending on my mood.

Topic 1: Trivial Pursuit cards at bars
Absolutely, without a doubt, a great idea. This needs to be instituted everywhere. Never has insignificant background chatter has caused more butting in by rednecks and lesbians into keith and my conversations than these cards. It's phenomenal. Plus I kick his ass everytime. And if the answers weren't printed on the back, I'm sure bar fights would break out over questions like "Who's mug is on the Nepalese quarter?"

Topic 2: Slogans
"Biting the Hand Back that Feeds Patrick." I don't get it either.

Topic 3: Accents
I had a discussion tonight about regional American accents. It came down to Minnesota versus Southeastern U.S. I think the southern accent is the most incoherent thing ever when done properly. Like this one dude in Kentucky telling some crazy story about his dog Patches... Or Patrick... Or Matthew... You see my point. I've also met some people in West Virginia that I couldn't understand to save my life. But I've always understood those in Minnesota. I'm not saying our friends in the Land of 10,000 lakes sound smart. Not in the least. But I can understand what they are saying. That's all I'm saying.

It's good to be back.

Case of the Mondays

2005-09-19T10:58:00.000-04:00

White Sox Magic Number: 12, which is ridiculous. They should have clinched already.

As I sit here in my office, I know have loads of work, but for some reason, I don't know what to do next. So I decided to do a quick post. Only my mind is so blocked that I don't even know what to post about. I've been yawning a lot today, which might be my first indication of my lack of mental abilities. At least I already have lunch planned out.

This is insane. Here I am writing some gibberish and I expect people will read it. What an ego I have.

Updates: I'm in the band. We're called Asking Andy. We'll be playing in Hershey next week. Rico Salz has agreed to do our webdesign, so expect it to change.

Joe C., Joe K., and our favourite thug, Brian Cole will be in the Bal-siest city in America this weekend for a nonstop 48 hour party, culminating in the Red Sox/O's game at Camden Yards. There's only one thing I could think of to make this coming weekend better.

Coming soon: Review of The OC: The Complete Second Season DVD.

Thundering Heard What?

2005-08-24T15:44:00.000-04:00

Live from Huntington, WV. Been a while since my last post. Things are going well. The wireless world is hustling and bustling.

News: I'm joining a band (hopefully). I had an audition last night and it went well. I was invited back for another practice. If I do well again, I'm in the band.

More tonight...

On the verge of life

2005-05-04T19:39:00.000-04:00

So, it's been since forever. I got a new job. I said goodbye to some old friends. I welcomed home a great human being. It's been a whirlwind of a month.

So I'm in Scranton, PA, for the night. Cause when I think a fun night out of town... I think Scranton. And I can't seem to find the water tank I need to find in the neighboring town. It sucks.

More to come.

Full Khaki Jacket

2005-03-07T15:08:00.000-05:00

Has a compliment ever warranted an acidic repsonse? In my experience, that would be a no. But apparently, I was the target of reversed social norms on Saturday night.

While out celebrating my friend Elizabeth's birthday, we were leaving a bar near the old apartment. After a few hours of Uncle Jaeger and Cousin Red Bull with some Bud Lights, we headed towards the exit. At the door was a tall, lanky fellow with a jacket on that had a funny patch sewn into it. The patch read "gynocogist," which I thought was rather amusing. So I pointed to it and said "I like your patch, it's funny." To which he replied:

A.) Thanks! Not bad, eh?
B.) Yeah, I picked it up at hot topic because I'm a poseur! The really funny thing is I've never even kissed a girl!
C.) Shut up. You're a dweeb and I hate you.
D.) The sun never sets on the British Empire.

If you guessed C, you're right. Evidently I rubbed this guy the wrong way. It seems as though there was something about me he didn't like. I immediately felt that he didn't care for my outward appearance. I was donning a blue plaid spread collar shirt with jeans and my new khaki jacket. It was a preppy ensemble, but people dress nice when they go out. Elizabeth was wearing a dress for cryin out loud (which is a major plot point at the next bar).

Needless to say I was taken aback by someone hating me so soon. It usually takes a little while before people develop a genuine disgust for my presence. But this wasn't the only time my jacket spawned a comment from a stranger that night.

At our next watering hole, Elizabeth and I were standing in line getting our IDs checked. A lone, crusty man, sitting at the bar said "Hey, nice jacket! AHHHAHAHAHAHAHA!" All could think to say was "Thanks."

Why does this matter? It doesn't. I just like my friend Mike to know what's going on, so I keep writing.

And yes, a friend lifted Elizabeth's dress about 6 times at Pete's Bar, revealing 98% of her deriere to the bar. Happy Birthday Elizabeth!

When I have nothing else to talk about...

2005-03-04T15:48:00.000-05:00

I have been racking my brain on what to write the last two days. Haven't been able to find a good article to talk about, nor do I believe my daily life is interesting enough to rant with, so I've decided to comment on a fabulous scene involving Jon Favreau, his cordless phone, and someone else's answering machine.

"Hi! This is Nikki, leave a message!"

Those words make me cringe. I was watching Swingers again the other night. I think many would agree that this particular scene is one of the most painful to watch in cinematic history.

"Hi! This is Nikki, leave a message!"

Good lord... I've seen the movie a good 165 times, and every time Mikey sits on the futon and pulls out Nikki's (played by the lovely Brooke Langton) phone number, I think to myself "Maybe he won't do it this time...." And I'm being serious. I honestly hope every time I watch this that he won't pick up the phone. And at times, I've changed the channel so I didn't have to watch. It's a lot like a scary movie, and all you want to do is pull the covers over your head. It Hurts SO MUCH TO WATCH.

"Hi! This is Nikki, leave a message!"

Maybe I hope he won't do it because even I haven't gone to the lengths Mikey went to in this dialog with a mini tape. He's absolutely pathetic, and I think it scares me. Really and truly... not that I've gone to those lengths, but maybe I've been to a fraction of them. I'm not sure.

"Hi! This is Nikki, leave a message!"

And just as he breaks up with the girl he never went out with...

"Mike... Don't ever call me again."

Ouch.

News from the internet

2005-03-01T10:36:00.000-05:00

Some or all of this may not be real.

Graphic courtesy of The Onion

The Bobby Knight Era may not be over in Indiana. And why? Because Kelleys are doers!!!!

This is becoming an outrage. How does a hot Australian girl lose to a "kind of good-looking in the right light" swimmer? It's beyond me.

Film School and Joe Collins

2005-02-28T11:04:00.000-05:00

Good weekend. Goling at the Inn & Club was just one portion of a fantastic few days off.

Probably the highlight was seeing Sideways with Kirk, starring Paul Giamatti and Thomas Haden Church. I highly recommend this film. Not only is it witty, smart, and have a fantastic story to it, the Reemergence of "Lowell" from Wings is enough to get anyone out of the house. Since Ned and Stacey never happened, I could only see Thomas on one of the Women Only cable channels of chick flicks, man hating melodramas, a douche commercials. So it was good to see him break out. And I've been a fan of Paul Giamatti, since he was "Pig Vomit" in Private Parts. Did you know he is son of former Baseball Comissioner and nemesis of Pete Rose, the late Dr. Bart Giamatti? Why didn't I put two and two together? It seems like Giamatti is as common a name as Riordan. Those kind of alarms should go off...

I also stumbled upon Joe Collins's blog site. The kid was holding out on me, and not telling me he had a blog. Well guess what... investigative journalism can get things done.

No it can't. He left a comment and I clicked the link.

Other things warranting a mention:

I decided Wes Anderson is one of my top 3 favourite directors, and I need to see The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou.
I was reminded that the phrase "Count it" when used after an insult was from the Family Guy episode where Brian goes to rehab.
Hoosier basketball will kick serious ass in 05-06.
Sweet Magnolia Brown Ale is fantastic.

We don't accept cash, checks, or credit cards

2005-02-26T21:25:00.000-05:00

Played a little golf with Kirk and family out at Ponte Vedra Inn & Club. I used to think golf was one of the few things I did well, but it's making its way back to the suck list. Which is sad. And pathetic. Because for cryin out loud, the ball just sits there! It's as easy at tee-ball! But anyway. Kirk's mom decided not to play the inward 9 with us, so she hung out in the clubhouse bar. She ordered a drink (club soda, I believe) and they wouldn't accept cash or credit as payment. "You can only charge it to your room or member account, sir." Funny how the words " This note is Legal Tender of all debts, public and private" hardly rings to some people.

The Infamous Mike Mastando decided to infiltrate my email last week with one of those fantastic surveys, made popular by kids in middle school. Here are Mike's answers:

1. What time is it? 8:15pm
2. Name as it appears on birth certificate? Michael Crazy Legs Mastando
(mysterious missed number)
4. Number of Piercings: For jewelry, zero. For screams, I lost count.
5. Most recent movie you saw in the theater: Meet The Fockers. Funny s.
6. Eye color: Brown
7. Where born: Plantation, FL
8. Favorite foods: Pizza, Juicy filet or NY Strip, Burgers on the grill, lamb, chargrilled fish, lobster, KFC Honey BBQ wings, fajitas, french fries with BBQ sauce, 7-11 turkey with southwestern mayo, Baked Cool Ranch Doritos, sushi, tabule, mom's chicken in tomota paste, mom's scungilli, mom's meatballs, Chili's chips & salsa, Don Pablo's, anything that Mama Mastando makes... and Meximelts at Taco Bell when drinking. For sweets: warm Cinnabons at the mall, warm chocolate chip cookies with Lactaid (you don't to be within 500' of me drinking milk!!!), or the chocolate lava cake at Chart House, the Cap'n Jacks Buried Treasure at Ale House, or the Banana's Foster at Milwaukee Chophouse. Oh, and never trust me around a box of Little Debbie's... any variety, especially Nutty Bars.
9. Ever been to Africa: Not yet
10. Ever been toilet papering: Yes... lots of fun; I highly recommend! (not at my house, though.)
11. Love someone so much it made you cry? Yes... you want to make something of it!?!? 12. Been in a car accident? One time, a tree ran out in front of my car....
13. Croutons or bacon bits? Bacon bits, cheese, rice noodles, tomatos, cucumbers, and red onions. Oooh, Olive Garden has good salad. MMMMmmmm... Olive Garden (drooling).
14. Favorite day of the week? Saturday & pay day
15. Favorite restaurants: See above for food diatribe. Also love me some Stonewoods, Song Mongolian Grille, Macaroni Grill, Buca di Beppo, Bonefish (Orlando), Fishbones (Orlando), Milwaukee Chophouse (Wi), Brissago (Wi), Newport Grille (Wi), Big Bear Brewing Company (Ft. Laud), Marino's (NY), Morton's (Orlando).
16. Favorite flower: Orchids are the "shizzle"
17. Favorite sport to watch: Football. GATOR Football.
18. Favorite drink: Jagerbomb with a Miller Lite chaser.
19. Favorite ice cream: Can I have seconds on the main course? If not, then I'll have Reece's peanut butter ice cream.
20. Disney or Warner? WB
21. Favorite fast food restaurant: Love it all. Can't decide.
22. What color is your bedroom carpet? Beige.
23. How many times did you fail your drivers license? none
24. Before this one who did you get your last email from? Nikki Saffer
25. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card in: Best Buy!
26. What do you do most often when you are bored? surf the internet, watch TV, read a magazine, make to do lists, do something unmentionable in this particular venue.
27. Bedtime? I'm amazed if I get to bed before 3am.
28. Who will respond to this email quickest: Probably a girl. I'm the only dorky male that will do this, probably.
29. Who is least likely to respond: Mike Benedict. He's got more important things to do.
30. Who are you most curious about their responses to the questionnaire? everyone, that's why I sent it to them.
31. Favorite TV Shows: Gator football, NY Jets football, SNL, Letterman, Conan, Jimmy Kimmel, Leno, Blind Date, Cheaters, Elimidate, Surreal World, 24, King of Queens, Seinfeld, Dateline or shows where they have a hidden camera and bust wrong-doers,
32. Last Person you went to dinner with? Nikki, Pervy Smurf, Aaron, Erin.
(mysterious missing number)
34. What are you listening to right now? My reps trying to weasel out of the last five minutes of work.
35. What is your favorite color? Blue
36. Lake, ocean or river? ocean
37. How many tattoos do you have? None
38. Time you finished this email? 9:05pm (I had to get up and make sure my reps were working, so I could goof off and do this email thingy.)
39. Which came first - chicken or egg? Imaculate conception says the egg came first. I'll go with that.
40. How many people are you sending this email to? 20

I suppose I feel compelled to out Mike (to the 4 people that read this blog) because this was a ridiculous email. And yes, I participated... because I am an immature moron, too. Thus the circle of life.