Host City shenanigans- the SB XXXIX Blog

I have chronicled (in true SG fashion) the extravaganza that is Super Bowl week in in Jacksonville, FLA. Let me prepare you, little to nothing in this entry will have to do with the actual physical act of the Super Bowl.

Wednesday, 2 February 2005
Today started innocently enough. I came to work at 9 am, dressed to kill, I might add, and Joseph called me with a request to go to the Home Depot and buy wood, tools, and other supplies to get our $how me the money machine operable. I wanted to hit Bed, Bath, and Beyond, but I didn't have the time.

I made my way downtown to meet with Joseph and Shannon and help set up the money machine. The weather was wretched, and I wasn't dressed for it. After we got the equipment, Joe and I were going to meet Sun Cruise Kat for lunch and discuss some joint marketing ventures. The meeting took place at the Alehouse, the standby restaurant on the southside. After that, Joe and I went to a music store to buy a PA system, but the power was out, so we went across the street to the diner where we ate and I dropped the deuce.

The highlight of the evening was Sister Hazel, live from the Freebird in Jax Beach. I was able to make my way one person from the stage. The Schwag & Co. were up in the balcony. The openers were Drew Copeland and The Graham Colton Band (whom I've seen in college). The best part of the opener was when GCB played an abbreviated cover of "Champagne Supernova." First set of chills of the night.

Hazel took the stage shortly after. They opened with "Come Around" and some technical problems. I don't remember hearing Ken's guitar. Drew kept looking in my direction and laughing, so I looked behind me and much to my chagrin was none other than Stuart Scott of ESPN. I shook his and and apologized for outing him. Stu bumped into my back a good few times after that. That's what happens in crowds. When they set up the piano for "World Inside My Head," I screamed "Eagles" at Drew so he would play the Eagles song (the name escapes me) that he does solo... which was an ongoing joke at their New Years Day show. They closed the show by having Stu sing backup on "Champagne High." What a way to start Super Bowl Weekend.

Thurs, Feb 5, 2005
Got to work at 1:00 only to find out Joe needs a DJ at our booth at SuperFest (brought to you by the Florida Times Union). I offered my services as a former band member with stage experience. At 5:00, I make my way downtown with Joe to start some major lead generation. Our location on Bay Street isn't ideal, we're tucked in a fenced parking lot, but we make do, piggybacking the popularity of the FLA Lotto. The only other person working until Elizabeth's arrival was Preston, an annoying Off Premises Contact, with a knack for saying the wrong things.

They closed the Bridges of Duval County at 9:00, so Elizabeth closed the call center early and made her way to SuperFest. One of our money machine winners racked up $492 because she didn't follow the rules. Once we were done working, it was time for some boozin.. may the Super Bowl Weekend begin!!

We hit the Landing and it was hoppin (this was the least busy I would see it until Monday). People pouring in and out, a solid cover band playin on the Best Damn Super Bowl Road Show Period stage. We started hitting some beer, and even did a JagerBomb (the trendiest shot ever!). Joe led us into the Italian Restaurant there, where he introduced himself to some girls.

J-McC (to girls): Hi, I'm Joe. Do you know Mike Mastando? He clogs the toilets at work. He walks into work with a briefcase in one hand and a plunger in the other...
Patrick (shaking his head to bartender): Can I get 2 Coronas with limes and a a Bud Light Draft. (To girls)... I'm sorry, I don't know this guy

You can see where it went from there. Eventually Elizabeth grabbed Joe and dragged him outside for a smoke. Which left me with Amy, the attorney from Michigan now living in Jax, and Amanda, the paralegal and former Hooters girl. Of course I tripped over my own words once or twice. But I didn't talk about my friend's or coworkers poop habits. Preston did his best to creep out the girls, even provoking them to leave while I was in the bathroom. But we saved the day. I gave Amy my number... I will never hear from her again.

On our way back to the car, Preston tried to grab Elizabeth's beer out of my hand, and told me to "fuck off" when I asked him not to. Nice kid. He told me to "fuck off" again, and I was kind of hoping he'd punch me so I could call the cops, but he didn't. I drove Elizabeth's car back to Joe's where I picked up my car, but not before stopping at Whataburger and getting some grub. Joe was stuck taking Preston ALL the way back to SR 207, which is south of St. Augustine. I ended up sleeping on Joe's floor that night, against my will. I woke up with neck pains.

Friday 2/4/05
Woke up at Joe's and need to open the call center. I had 4 hours of sleep, none of it solid (this will not really come into play either). I looked like complete crap. I needed a shower and a face scrub and I had to run about a million errands, so I left the call center in our senior reps hands until Elizabeth arrived.

Part of running my errands was the BEST HAIRCUT EXPERIENCE EVER. Haircut, straight razor neck shave, and a warm towel neck massage for $12 at Barber Studio... unbelievable stuff. I highly recommend. I also had Angie's Subs finally; they're good, but they don't put enough meat on it. Rumour has it, their sweet tea is unbelievable.

Elizabeth and I roll up to downtown around 6:00. The new OPC, Jessica, introduces herself, and she is cute (later I learn she has a boyfriend). Throughout the night she is flirting, tries to book my parents on a tour, then offers to clean my teeth AND give me $50. Now as Joe would say, "That's a Patrick Riordan girl."

As I mentioned, the 'rents did make it up with Bart & Ann from PA (my dad's best friend from HS), The Schwag, Aunt Patti, Phillip (Peyton Manning Look-alike) & Candice. It was good to see everyone having a blast downtown here in the host city.

Elizabeth leaves to pick up Mike and her friend Laural, and triumphantly retuns with them. After we close out the night with Mike and I rocking the mic, the boozin commences. I didn't drink very much since I was driving. We end up with Joe, Skelly, and some other City of Jax guys at the bar called something "Burrito." The name escapes me, but Laural and Elizabeth were wanting to go see some boobies at a strip club, and I can't say Mike, Joe, or I were opposed. Unfortunately (like a moustache), the COJ guys wanted to sit around and her about The Infamous Mike Mastando's poop-capades and the wonderful world that is timeshare sales and marketing.

We leave to go to the Landing and check out the scene there. On the way, Elizabeth has to pee, and chooses an alley rather than a port-o-john to do the relieving (which brings the count to 2 Elizabeths I know, that have peed in alleys/parking lots while I'm nearby). We make it to the Landing, and for some reason, Elizabeth unleashes the FURY on Mike. It's not pretty. "I hate you, you're such a jerk today..." and so on. They're not dating, they work together. Warrants mentioning. Elizabeth wants to take a cab home now, but somehow we convince her to stay with us.

We start our trip back to the car and Elizabeth hands me her light up cup she bought on Thursday before we met the cute lawyer chick. Mistake one: handing me a cup that won't fit in my bag. On the walk, a little rough housing happened between Mike and I, and you guessed it, the cup fell out of my bag and it cracked upon hitting the asphalt. Needless to say, a lot of anger was directed at me. So I screamed "It's GATOR CITY TAXI" and walked to my car. That's right, she and Laural drove home with Joe. I think Mike and I were the last people she wanted to be around at that point, but amends were made with....

Whataburger. It's now a 3 am tradition. Timmy (the infamous Mike Mastando) and I were standing in line there, getting dared to order triple cheeseburgers... and I answered the challenge. I'd say Mike backed down, but he really trumped everyone in the store with his order: breakfast taquito with cheese and bacon meal, honey bbq chicken sandwich meal, and double bacon cheeseburger meal. And yes, he ate it all in one sitting. There was a girl there named Alex and she was about 4'6" or something, wicked short. I think she thought she was pretty hot, but Mike and I were thinking not so much. Anyway she was walking out with a guy who's hat said "I Only Date Crack Whores" and Mike said to her "What was your name?" Alex of course replied "Alex." And Mike said "Hey Alex, get the fuckin door." Classic Timmy.

We ended up at Joe's with some 9 bags of Whataburger and like 6 drinks. We chowed, the girls took off and I ended up sleeping at Joe's, this time on the couch. The moral of Friday is "You don't want to look back on Super Bowl week and remember how much you slept" and "Gator City Taxi is expensive, way more expensive than a new blinking cup."

Saturday, February 5, 2005
Mikey and I had to run to the Office and to Kinko's so we could make some flyers for the OPCs to hand out at SuperFest, plugging the money machine. Right around noon, Scotty G made his triumpant arrival in Jacksonville for the party. I always love to see IU and GHS alums in my fair city. Once we met up at my apartment and I got a shower, Scoot and I headed to pick up Mike and make our way downtown.

Arriving on Bay Street brought 2 surprises:
A. Shannon (one of our managers) was wasted and it was only 2 pm
2. I slept with a Whataburger bag in my arms and snored all night long.

Thanks Joe for spreading the rumours all over Jax!! Anyway, that didn't stop me and Mike from rocking the mic til the midnight hour. It was Saturday, so the booze was flowing earlier than expected. Scotty didn't want to start drinking til we found the 32 oz brews for $5. His dad taught him well. We scoured Superfest, Forsythe Street, and Finally the Landing for candy for the cute OPC, which was a fiasco ending with us finding it, only to have Jessica leave at 6 pm. Did I mention I found out later she has a boyfriend? I'm such a sucker. Anyway... the fun continued. Scotty and I were trapped at the Landing during the search. And when I say trapped, I mean we couldn't move. It was busy upon busy. Wall to wall people. Worse than FLA/GA weekend.

I get the call to come pick Elizabeth and Laural up and getting out of downtown is nuts. Rather than let me take a left hand turn which would have put me right on the Hart Bridge, they made me go right and circle around by the Adams Mark hotel. As Russ would say "Totally Ridiculous." Well, I finally got to the rendez-vous point and Elizabeth was nowhere to be found, which was awesome because I couldn't think of anything better. She made it over a few minutes later, but she had to take Laural back to her car because Laural didn't want to wait (It's not like the Super Bowl was in town or anything). To pass the time, Scotty and I played 90s Trivial Pursuit.

We got back to Bay Street where Mike was still rocking the mic, so we grabbed 4-32 oz brews from the Landing, and headed back to the booth. This routine would continue at least 3 more times. After a few of these large lagers, Scotty started rocking the mic a little, too. If you know Scott, you know he's a little introverted... but look out when he gets tipsy. Our goal that night was to get Scott his first lap dance, so when we closed shop, we headed to the Gold Club... only to find it was 1:30 am and they were open til 2 am and the cover was $30. We tried to haggle, and when they were not ready to negotiate, I spouted "Well, I'd rather go to Whataburger."

And yes.. I was at Whataburger for a 3rd straight night. It was Scott's first night there. Mike and I repeated our orders from the night before. I have not visited Whataburger since. We ate at Joe's apt. Scott and I finally went back to my apt and watched The O.C. What a way to end the eve of Super Bowl XXXIX

Super Bowl Sunday, February 6, 2005
The day Jacksonville has been waiting for since like 2001. It started with IU getting their asses kicked by Illinois. Not good times. Scott was mad at me for letting Illinois regain their lead. I take full responsibility.

We headed to Super Wal Mart for food. I was making my classic enchiladas for the game. On the side, 2 versions of the Brian Cole cheez dip.

Upon the arrival at Joe's, we made sure the HDTV was set up correctly. We wanted to watch this game right. Once you go Hi-Def, you never go back. Joe took off to buy chairs and while he was gone, Mike and Shannon arrived. I already had cheez dip part 1 ready, and Mike dove right in. Soon, Laural and Elizabeth arrived and the enchiladas were ready. Kickoff to Super Bowl XXXIX was underway, and the party was kickin.

As cheez dip part 1 was nearing its end, I made cheez dip part deux... the extra spicy version. This did not make Elizabeth too happy. You'll see why later.

Halftime was unbelievable. Sir Paul McCartney performed "Drive My Car," "Get Back," "Live and Let Die," and "Hey Jude." Best Halftime show EVER. The only thing that comes close was U2 in SB 36 ("Where the Streets Have No Name" remains the best all-time single performance). Elizabeth was like "Where's the second act?" OHMYGOD... It's a Beatle!!! There are no other performers.

The beer kept flowing for some, and some were forgetting particular aspects about the food. Elizabeth took a big scoop of cheez dip part deux... and forgot it was filled with Jalapenos. Oh lord, was that a scene. In her attempts to put the flames out, I offered a tortilla, because it was the closest thing to bread that was in Joe's apt. Well, Elizabeth decided to take chewed tortilla and put it down Mike's shirt (very juvenile) and it started an elementary school style fight between the two (Laural and I thought it was very cute). I am insinuating nothing.

At the end of the night, the Patriots had completed their quest to be a dynasty, I had won $0 in the pool. But we had to wait. Elizabeth and Laural went into the bathroom... together... for like an hour. Mike and the girls were hitting a club later ($100 cover, no thanks). So right after all the bathroom hijinks was over with, Elizabeth emerges wearing a pink corest... and I wondered if it hurt to breathe. I mean this thing was tight. I was having trouble breathing just looking at it. And that was that. Super Bowl Weekend was over for me. Scotty went home to Savannah, but his glasses didn't.

All in all... it was one fantastic week. I highly recommend you get a super bowl in your town.